The Rivals

Heart and Soul

2005-11-02T14:47:00.000-05:00

Theo Epstein said today that "In the end, after a long period of reflection about myself and the program, I decided I could no longer put my whole heart and soul into it."

Welcome to Major League Baseball, Theo. Tons of people don't put their heart and soul into the game. It's what you're supposed to do. Guys like Milton Bradley, Kenny Lofton, Sammy Sosa, Juan Gonzalez, and the entire front office of the Royals have been dogging it and collecting paychecks for years without giving a crap. Remember, caring about the game is for losers. Losers like us.

Dirtdogs? Nah. More Like Boston Dirtbags.

2005-11-01T12:34:00.000-05:00

You know, all the Red Sox fans are always getting on our case, talking about how George Steinbrenner is a P.O.S., how we have an "Evil Empire", and how we aren't so much a team, but a group of overpaid individuals. Well, guess what? So far this offseason, you're no better than us. In fact, you're worse! To wit:

1. Luccino selling out his protege with a press leak.
2. Manny asking (again) to get traded.
3. Schilling piping in to every radio staion and rag everytime news hits.
4. Johnny D promoting himself relentlessly the day the Sox get knocked out.

Stop throwing rocks and start running for cover.

It's kind of like watching a train wreck up there in Boston. There is NO WAY that that team is going past the ALDS next year. There are simply far too many distractions and the changes are far too drastic. Think about it. Your main man Epstein is gone. And, you don't even have the assistant GM, who is familiar with the system and how it has been set up, to take over, since he jetted to Arizona. Then, you may have a whole new outfield. Who's playing left when Manny leaves? What bat can possibly replace Manny? Who takes over for Damon in center? What leadoff guy do you get instead? And, are you really going to stick with the Trot/Millar platoon in left? Ugh. It's just nasty. On top of all that, you need to figure out who's on first, what's at second, and I don't know is on third... It's a comedy and a tragedy all at once.

Good luck!

And Then There Was One...

2005-10-27T10:00:00.000-04:00

1918 went away last year. 1917 went away this year. I wonder if next year we'll have the opportunity to shut up the last group of whiney bitches... Probably not, but there's always hope. There's always hope.

1917

2005-10-21T10:25:00.000-04:00

When Pujols smoked that thing, I thought it was Baylor/Hendu all over again, with Brad Lidge playing the role of Donnie Moore. I watched the 7th-9th innings with a chili burger in a placed called “The Dive Bar” on 96th St and the place went CRAZY. I thought that would wake up the Cards and carry them all the way in. Guess not.

I think you’ve gotta love this Series. Both teams are good guys that have the whole loveable loser thing going. So someone who needs it is gonna get it. I won’t know for sure who I’m REALLY rooting for until the games start. (And I’ll let you know.) At this particular moment, I still feel the Stros have the much more painful history, and as a Red Sox fan that seems to be the best way to make the call in this situation.

That is, if you’re past the whole Roger thing, which I definitely am. In fact, Roger’s continued overachievement is clearly more of a stick in the eye to the ole Yankees. Pettitte too. And Contreras. And El Duque. And…

But having said that… Man, it is hard to look past the whole 1917 thing. That’s a mighty long time kids, and I’m here to tell ya: that’s 1918 plus one. Or minus one. Or whatever. But you know what the difference is? There was never a stadium filled with 50,000 drunken, angry rivals chanting “1917” at all the crucial moments in the game. The White Sox historically never threatened anyone. And who are their rivals again? Detroit? Cleveland? Did they ever chant “1917” in the Homerdome? And where did the Brewers go?

The ChW are more the team of exploding scoreboards, elephants in the infield, Bermuda shorts, disco demolition night, and midgets – a very weird recurring midget theme. Midget astronauts, midget pinch hitters, midget win totals. Midgets. Little people. It’s as if they were trying NOT to threaten anyone. Isn't it? Say it ain’t so.

But having said that… I will definitely get choked up the moment the ChW win it all and Fox starts showing their fans celebrating. And it will bring back some niiiiiice memories of our own.

The Umpires Strike Back

2005-10-17T18:22:00.000-04:00

Man, everything I watched over the weekend featured bad calls that changed the game. Not just the Halos-ChW, but Notre Dame-USC, Penn State-Michigan, NYG-Dallas. Was it the full moon? WHAT'S GOING ON??

It all started with that deal with Robinson Cano running inside the baseline and now it's out of control. It was an accurate call, but not in the "spirit" of the rules since he was really running toward the base. You'll remember Jeter last year who was called out because he was trying to block Mirabelli's view. THAT's when you call it. Whatever the reason, it has now come back to slap the Angels' in the face.

It'll be funny if it's the Stros vs. the ChW, considering what I wrote last week. Part of the problem with me is the ChW aren't as cuddly as the Rastros. Carl Everett makes me ill and Jermaine Dye and Konerko are personality challenged. And somebody should slap AJ Pierzynski - what a complete retard. That Rowand guy is a weasel in the same vein as Spike Owen. Crede is pretty cool and I'm warming up to Podsednik. Garland is a monster. Ya like to root for him.

What kind of juice has Contreras been drinking? He's like a different guy. He used to be a reliable gopher guy in the playoffs. More dirt I have to eat because I completely dissed the Contreras/El Duque and Garland/Buehrle foursome back in July or August. Now they are the 4 kings.

Changing Stripes

2005-10-12T14:37:00.000-04:00

I know I said I would be rooting for the White Sox to win it all. But I have changed my mind, which is my prerogative as a woman. (I know, I know. What EVER. Just keep reading...)

Somewhere during the Sox-Sox series, it hit me: Have the White Sox REALLY endured any pain since 1917? Not counting the Shoeless Joe thing, I don't think so. Have they been brought to the brink of victory generation after generation, only to have it snatched away at the moment of redemption? Naah. Not even close.

They had 1959 where they lost to the Dodgers, back when everybody lost to the Dodgers. They've made the post-season once each in the 80s, 90s and 00s, but they have disappeared silently, without a trace. No Buckners, no Bucky Dents, no billy goats, no Bartmans. Just silence. This has to be the most boring curse in all of sports.

Now compare them to the Astro's. In the past 25 years (we won't count the 60s or 70s), the Rastro's have been in the playoffs EIGHT times. That about 1 of every 3 years. They've been tantalizing close in the NLCS several times, most notably a horrifying luck-fest by the Mets in 86. In many of those years their pitching was by far the best in the NL, if not in all of MLB. Nolan Ryan, JR Richard, Mike Scott, etc. You could argue there's more of a curse going on here than with the White Sox, and certainly much more pain for the fans. You know what I'm saying. Seriously: how much does it hurt the ChW fans to finish 4th in the AL Central every year? You and I both know they're not paying attention by August 1st. They're just going to the ballpark for the beer.

Three years ago, I could have favorably compared the Angels to the White Sox as well. But no longer. The LAA of A act like what they are - a team of champions. And as I watch their games against the ChW, I realize there's no way I can root against them. You'll recall the Halos kept me company through a lonely O.C. stretch in the 80s, when I was the NKOTB, and I'll never forget them for that. And watching them this year, as recent champions with a chip on their shoulders, they remind me of what the Sox (the Red ones) SHOULD HAVE BEEN this year. Especially when you factor in Orlando Cabrera. Man, is he AWESOME to watch, or what? CLUTCH! I don't think I knew it until this week, but the Angels are my #2 team. Solidly. (And I didn't even know I was allowed to have a #2 team.)

Which brings me to the Cardinals, a team with a history of very little heartbreak and more WS titles than any team except the Yank-ems. And the Cards, truth be told, are probably going to win this thing anyway. Which won't break my heart either - as you know, I have a family connection to StL-KC. (OK, you got me. Long story short, I'm OK with any of the 4 teams winning it this year!) 8^)

Anyway, back to the ChW. Granted, I'll give you that the White Sox are the coolest team in Chicago. And it'll be great if they win. But I don't think it will be the moment of redemption for the city or the fans that people are expecting. No way. But if the Astro's win, i think you'll hear some hallelujah's. So give me the Astro's and Angels in the WS. And then ask me the same question again next week ...

Nine Bubba's

2005-10-12T10:30:00.000-04:00

I have to eat some dirt, because I repeatedly picked the Yankees to win it all this year. They had the best line-up, they had playoff experience, and their pitching was as good as anyones, except maybe the Astro's. I also was under the mistaken impression that they wanted it the most. In fact it was my mantra. Based on the outcomes of '01-'04, didn't it make sense that the Yankees would be the hungriest?

Guess not. In those 5 games against the LAA of A it became pretty obvious which guys didn't care. Let's name names, shall we?

A-Rod - didn't care.
Sheffield - didn't care.
Big Unit - didn't care.
Mussina - didn't care.
Torre - That's right, kids! Joe Torre DID NOT CARE and will continue to NOT CARE! Disagree with me? Think about this: How many heads would Lou Piniella have bashed by mid-May had he been running the show? And how many mouths would he have shut? Do you think A-Rod would perform in the clutch for Sweet Lou? Yeah buddy! With Joe, there are no consequences.

In fact, I think Joe hates George so much that he loves when the Yankees lose! What's George gonna do ... fire Joe? Truth is, it's George that has to take the blame for all 5 of these head cases. The lesson of the year is, free agent mercenaries with guaranteed monster contracts won't win you World Series championships (unless of course their name is Manny... or Curt). The point being you can't build a team around the mercenaries; the mercenaries should fill in the gaps of your existing core team. I'll take it one step further. The Yankees won't win another one until they dump 2 or 3 of these 5 guys. Anyway, as long as we're naming names, let's talk about who DID care:

Jeter - Amazingly, he raised his game in the clutch AGAIN.
Giambi - Just like Jeter with the clutch hits. A medical superstar, but a superstar nonetheless.
Posada - Played gritty and great, starting in September (and it hurts my pancreas to say it).
Mariano & Flash - Why do people ever doubt these guys? Only the Sawx can beat them!
Matsui - He slumped, but he cared - you could tell by the hustle.
Chacon - In retrospect, the rotation should have been set up for him to pitch twice.
Bubba - That's right, I said BUBBA! Put 9 Bubbas on the field and the Yankees would have won. Kind of like 9 Trots.

9 Bubbas vs. 9 Trots! That's our strategy for next year. OK Blue? You'd watch.

The Day After

2005-10-11T09:50:00.000-04:00

Like Teddy KGB said in the movie Rounders, "I feel so unsatisfied..."

I also feel gypped, mad, and sad. Arrrgh. This team is not a team. It's just a bunch of individual, overpaid, underachieving losers. I'm sick and tired of it.

Where the hell was A-Rod in this series? I've stood up for him God knows how many times, saying that he's clutch. He was clutchin' only one thing - his ballsack.

Hey Hideki, could you have been any worse? I mean, you muffed so many easy plays in the field while doing almost nothing with the bat. Yeah, Tyler or some other wiseacre mook will say "He made a nice play in foul territory", but I don' t give a crap. If he misses it, it's still freakin' foul - no real harm there. But, God forbid someone hits a liner towards him.

Bubba, ya gotta call Sheff off!!!

Sheff, ya gotta trust the kid!

Mussina shouldn't be called Moose, he should be called the Cooler. If the Yankees have a winning streak, he'll end it. If they need a win, he won't get it. Speaking of which, wasn't his first season 2001? Pffft.

Hey Randy, thanks for showing up last night. Too bad you couldn't do that when you started Game 3...

Bernie, you're only a shell of your old self. Have fun in Toronto.

Ruben, you did me proud in Game 4. If only you could stay healthy.

Robinson, how could you have tried to steal second in the 2nd with no outs and Santana scared as a kitten? How?

Flash, you were great.

Jeet - Nice hitting. Too bad you couldn't carry everyone. Too bad everyone needed the ride.

Hey Joe, why the hell did you start Jaret Wright in the last game of the season against the Sox? If you really wanted to win it, you would have put Aaron Small in there.

Umps - Nice calls. Did you have money on the game?

I wish we had been swept like our rivals. It would have been easier on my heart.

Ok, now that I got that out of my system, I've got this to say:

It was a good baseball season, though $220 million should get you fewer headaches, no?

It was tons of fun watching the last two weeks of the season play out.

I'm happy the Yankees got to the playoffs.

It was great to see them compete in Game 1.

Cashman deserves to go to the Orioles. He'll be happier there and Angelos will let him breathe.

If Torre wants out, let him go. Have Girardi take the job. He can do it.

I am happy we gave Cano a chance and didn't trade him. He'll be here for a long time.

Despite my issues with A-Rod this postseason, I do think our infield is second to none.

The outfield will work itself out next year.

Maybe Matsui will be here, maybe he'll be gone. We'll see.

We will definitely have a better center fielder next year. Can't get any worse, can it?

I think a nice starting rotation would be Big Unit, Shawn Chacon, Aaron Small, Chien Ming Wang, and Mussina.

If possible, trade Jaret Wright or Carl Pavano. They're National Leaguers. They don't belong in the hitting league.

Get rid of Embree. Sign Leiter to be our left-handed specialist and possible starter fill-in.

Give Flash whatever he wants.

Give Flaherty more time behind the plate, allowing Posada to rest a bit more.

Keep Tino around on the bench and as a defensive replacement for Steroid-boy. We need some of that old Yankee blood around, even if he's only hitting .241

Jettison Womack. He blows.

Bubba stays.

That's all for now. I'll be checking in during the offseason.

Game Not Over!

2005-10-10T09:28:00.000-04:00

At the very least, the Yankees have one more to go. After underachieving and blowing the past two games, the boys in blue decided to actually put up a fight last night. Now, we leave it in the hands of Mussina. That's a scary thought. He isn't exactly a choker, but he's not exactly clutch. He's somewhere in between. I'm predicting 5 inning outings by both he and Colon, with a bullpen catfight and a couple of timely dingers to end the game. Not sure who will come out on top, but I'm very glad we have the lineup we do.

Now, regarding my predictions... I'm very disappointed I only got 2 out of 3 right. Honestly, I really wanted it to be a Yankees/Sox ALCS. The problem is that it's the WRONG Sox. How epic would it have been to repeat last year? Oh well, I guess we'll just have to do it in 2006.

Now, some random comments:

* Bernie, we're gonna miss you. But, we're not gonna miss your legs and weak-ass arm.
* I feel bad for the Atlanta Braves. They're like the girl who everyone wants to fool around with, but no one wants to date.
* Cardinals look really tough.
* I'm not upset about Clemens being on the Astros. It's Pettitte that I really miss.
* Chacon is a stud.
* I really hope we don't have to rely on Tom Gordon tonight. If we do, I pray that he keeps the buffet down.
* If the Yanks get past the Angels, I wonder if their knowledge of El Duque and Contreras will help them. Regardless, they'll need something...
* Yankee bandwagon people can go to hell. Apparently some of them had the nerve to go and taunt Red. That pisses me off. Particularly because our team hasn't done squat yet. The rules are: (1) Don't taunt; (2) If you have to taunt, don't do it until your team has won something. Like a World Series ring. Pfffft.
* Why did Johnny D go and have to run his mouth? Now he's truly an idiot. I don't want him on the Yankees. Give me Andruw Jones or Juan Pierre instead...

Game Over!

2005-10-08T13:26:00.000-04:00

Well at least now we know what that Fortune Cookie meant. And in other news, there was a 7.6 earthquake in Pakistan...

2005 was the 1990s all over again. Not the kind of season where we had the best team and lost it at the buzzer by some Wagnerian plot twist (i.e., '46, '78, '86, and '03). And not the kind of season where we may - or may not - have had the best team, but certainly had enough spunk and grit and teamsmanship and DESIRE to actually pull it off (i.e., '67, '75, and '04).

No, this was like the playoff teams of '95, '98, and '99. The kind of season where we had a 2-man team that was just good enough to squeak into the playoffs (i.e., Nomar & Mo = Manny & Papi). And by the end, everyone else on the team was game, but not worthy of contributing something BIG. They seemed more like cheerleaders than players. Spectators.

I'm reminded of Theo saying that his goal is to get the team to the playoffs every year and then see what happens. Suddenly that doesn't seem like a lofty enough goal. RSN deserves another title or two out of this core team.

Let's get to the email:

- No, I really wasn't very upset last night, and I'm still not. (No busted remotes.) The Sox just weren't giving us any reasons to believe - not as many reasons as the other 6 teams are giving anyway (omitting the Pods of course).
- Having said that, I will be irreversibly depressed if the Yankees win this puppy. IRREVERSIBLY DEPRESSED. I was chanting "Beat the Yankees!" with the Fenway crowd.
- The thing I AM sad about right now is that we might be closing the book on the Manny and Johnny D chapters. DON'T LOSE THEM THEO!! PLEEEEEEEEASE DON'T LOSE THEM!!
- And three core dirt dogs are probably out of here as free agents - Timlin, Billy Mill, and Millar. I understand Timlin is 40, but MAN, he did everything we asked of him and more. Billy Mill - I love you and that was a nice September, but a championship team needs more consistency at the corners. Millar - I love you too and I want you on my team forever, but you dug your own grave, bro. You looked like you were running on empty. But I appreciate that you gave it everything in '04.
- People who would even THINK to compare Graffanino's error to Buckner's error are idiots who understand nothing about Red Sox history. IDIOTS! Shut up about it.
- Being a part of RSN isn't about winning. It's about being a part of RSN... and winning. That was the common theme of our conversations with people in Philly, Minneapolis and Baltimore this year. (That, and "HOLY @#$%!, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE'RE THE WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS??)
- No, I don't understand Blue's thing with Schilling. He's explained it 40 times and I still don't get it. Nada. Zip. Let's move on.
- Yes, I think Francona could have gone deeper into the pen during September. It seems like our last solid winning streak was that week in early Sept when each starter went 9 innings. Hmm. And there were enough underused Delcarmens and Hansens out there to make me wonder why we kept beating the same mediocre middle relievers into the ground.
- To those of you Yankee fans who came out of the woodwork to email or call me after we were down 2-0, I have nothing to say to you. You know who you are. I've been here all season - post a comment or something!

End of Season Up/Down -

Sox officially up: Manny, Papi, ER, Papelbon, Wake, Boomer
Sox officially down: Clement, Arroyo, Millar (should I add Miller and Mantei?)
Sox we survived without: Pokey, Menkawitz, Cabrera (but just barely on all counts)
Sox we didn't survive without: Pedro, D Lowe, Roberts, and (gasp) Jay Payton.
Supporting Sox that can bring us another title: Tek, Mirabelli, Trot, Olerud, Myers, Graffanino... and Hanley Ramirez!
Not on the list: Schilling and Foulke. Where were you guys? Nobody ever said we'd have to do this without YOU! Get in shape for next year, will ya?

A Democratic Choice

2005-10-06T10:35:00.000-04:00

If not the Sox, here is who I will root for to win it all, in this order:

1 - The ChW – Because there are other curses that need reversing.
2 - The Stros – Because that would be most humiliating to the Yanks (i.e. Roger & Pettitte)
3 - The Pods – Because they are at the point where they deserve it if they earn it, like Anaheim did in ‘03.
4 - The LAA of A – Because of Pete & Donna, and because the Big A was my life for 4 years. (They’d be at the top of my list if they didn’t recently win it.)
5 - The Cards – Because the other side of my family roots for them (MO, KY, TN, etc.), and because they’re a cool team with great fans, donchathink?
6 – The Braves – Because... Hmm, can’t think of a reason. Oh wait: because it would be better than the Yankees winning it.
7 - @#$%&!!!

As you know, the chances of these teams winning it all are, therefore, almost exactly reversed.

Nuclear Winter

2005-10-06T10:34:00.000-04:00

First of all, were you shocked we couldn’t get Graffanino home from 2nd with 1 out in the 9th? I sure was. This game cost me another TV remote – this time smashed against the coffee table, and this time I couldn’t fix it – but it still never occurred to me we would actually lose until the last out. The ChW outfielders won that game, with their sheer acre-age.

The most astute observation of the night was when Sutcliffe pointed out how much they missed Dave Roberts – or even Kapler – with Trot on 1st and 1 out in the 8th. (And btw – wtf is Piazza doing there?)

So we may be on the brink kids, but I’m standing by all of these previous statements until the nuclear winter sets in:

- As predicted, we’re still going to take the ChW down. You’re supposed to lose the games on the road – that’s why they play the 162-game season. The ChW will learn a lesson in Game 5. Oh yes. They’ll learn a lesson in Game 5.
- The Yankees are going all the way. If they don’t, it should go down in history as the most EXPENSIVE, most HUMILIATING, most EMBARRASSING underachievement of all time. And how delicious would that be on the heels of the most EXPENSIVE, most HUMILIATING, most EMBARRASSING choke of all time? Sadly, however, they’re going to play Houston and win every game 3-1, 4-2, etc. It will be excruciatingly boring. So at least it will be humiliating from that perspective. Oh – and I will not watch that World Series unless I go through one of my prolonged periods of self-loathing.
- As a fan, I have but one remaining mission: to prevent the above Yankee scenario from occurring. Sadly the only weapon in my arsenal is this lightning-quick sense of humor.
- Thank God I’m nowhere near as emotional about this as last year. Thank God we got that ring. Thank God I’m not very religious.
- Thank God I have that “2004 World Series Champions” 10-DVD box set sitting atop the TV, calling to me, beckoning for me to open.

You know who’s laughing right now? Pedro.

Pop Quiz

2005-10-06T01:05:00.000-04:00

Graffanino or Bellhorn? Discuss amongst yourselves...

Arrgh.

2005-10-06T00:42:00.000-04:00

Damn you, God of Errors! Why must you hate the AL East? Why???

I'm Not Worried

2005-10-05T11:14:00.000-04:00

And neither should you be. Listen, the White Sox are good, but the Red Sox are BETTER. I'm sure Wells will shut down that lineup - he's a lefty which should keep their runners in check and he can hit his spots a hell of a lot better than Clement. Wakefield should shut down the bashers. And, I do think that Schilling (God, I hate to say this...) has the ability to step it up in big games. All is not lost Red. You'll be there with me (or Pete and his Angels) in the NLCS. It'll be just fine.

A Blue Streak

2005-10-05T11:03:00.000-04:00

It must be acknowledged here, in print, that Nathan is the baseball man of the year for 2005.

He mounted a furious playoff run in our fantasy league, making roster changes to his pitching staff on a daily basis, and actually won the whole darn thing. In Round 1, he clobbered the pretending Petrovickies, and in the Semi-Finals he took out the Commish himself (starting with his kneecaps and working his way up). In the Finals he edged out the Embodied Whatevers (who had elminated me in a nailbiter). It was a thrilling two-week matchup that wasn’t decided until the last game was played on Oct 2. If a fantasy baseball team is a Tamagotchi, Blue’s team grew up to become Godzilla. Congrats bro!

But that ain’t all. Blue also won our Suck League. The Suck League featured the same players from the real league, but with the intent to build the worst team of everyday players. In other words, the worst team was the best team. Instead of HRs and RBIs, you scored points with Es, GIDPs and Balks, etc. So Blue figured out that math problem too. In fact, as a complete goof, he won with a team that had almost the identical roster as his real team! In any event, Blue wears two well-deserved crowns in 2005. I bow to you twice my bon homme.

Now - we just need to somehow somehow SOMEHOW make sure the same doesn’t happen for the Evil Emp. Two out of three ain’t bad, but I don’t think I can handle Blue scoring the full Trifecta. OK? Thanks.

Sox 14, Sox 2

2005-10-05T11:02:00.000-04:00

The ChW is on a mission and we should recognize it: It’s the same mission we were on last year. But running up the score doesn’t phase the good Sox and they’ll bounce back to take this series, even if they have to win 3 in a row. Hey, you knew they hit more taters than us during the regular season.

Something else we should recognize: Matt Clement SUCKS. He’s had his chance down the stretch and he’s given us nothing. There’s no way we can let him out there for Game 5. Gee, that was a good off-season pick up Theo. I hope his season is over. And let’s not forget Miller and Mantei – they’ve helped a lot too. Maybe Theo’s the one that should have gotten hit in the head.

Give me Arroyo, at least he’s been in these situations before. I hope Francona playing Arroyo in the 9th inning last night means that we’re getting Arroyo’s feet wet in preparation for a Game 5.

Now that the Yankees have won Game 1 – decisively – it’s certain they will move on to the ALCS. And in that round, the Unit will get TWO starts. Bummer. Despite my shrieking at the TV, the LAA (of A) were emotionless. The Shmanks yanked the Colon out of Bartolo. When they didn’t touch Leiter, you knew it was their last opportunity and lights out.

Thought While Puking

2005-10-04T22:49:00.000-04:00

Random thoughts while puking:

- That was a clutch win on Friday night against the Yankees. And Saturday didn't matter - hey, it's not like we were gonna sweep. The Yankees only needed 1 of 3 to lock up the division. We lost the division when Arroyo and Clement lost those two consecutive games to the Js. What are Arroyo and Clement gonna do in the playoffs? For the love of GOD.
- I'm still in denial that the Yankees won the division after all that. And now this April 1st quote from Lady Birk can be revealed: "I don't care what happens as long as the Yankees don't win the division." Amen.
- What happened to them Injuns? It's a little scary, because I have a funny feeling it had nothing to do with them being young or whatever. It took me a while, but I'm starting to see the light: the ChW are really really good!
- I keep hearing the ChW aren't getting any respect. But you know who's really getting no respect? That's right - the pinstripers from the Evil Empire. Look at that line-up, plus RJ, 3 or 4 pitching overachievers plus Mariano and Flash, and tell me how they're not gonna win.
- Kevin Millar is not playing the game at the major league level. He's a glorified Triple A guy. But he keeps getting starts. And is he really better at 1B than Ortiz?
- High comedy on the radio call-in shows in NYC: the fans are blaming BUCK SHOWALTER for giving the LAA home field advantage against the NYY. Caller after caller was flipping out. HELLO!! If you wanted home field advantage, you should have won your OWN game on Sunday! You would have even had a head start if you pitched Mussina.
- Bradford, Papelbon, Myers, and some of those other guys have actually been pretty decent down the stretch. I don't freak out (too much) when any of those 3 guys come in. And here's hoping Timlin stays lights out through the post-season.
- The Red Sox won the World Series in 2004. How cool is THAT??

Note to Andy & Ty: If you don't feed him, he'll eventually go away.

Hopin' and Prayin'

2005-10-04T21:59:00.000-04:00

I'm not emotionally prepared for the next three weeks of the Yankee victory parade.

In fact, I have looked at myself in the mirror, and I have learned something about myself. So I must come clean with you, Blue: I am rooting for the Yankees to get eliminated more than I am rooting for the Sox to repeat. I hate the Yankees more than ever. Come on - TEN STRAIGHT YEARS? And I am sickened by the fact that they made it to the playoffs. SICKENED to the point of spewing bile.

Why? Because this will turn out to be the little window of opportunity this overpaid band of underachievers needed - homefield advantage or not. They didn't get the 115 wins they were supposed to, but it won't matter.

The Sox were nice and steady down the stretch. They don't get shaken up after big losses, and I think they'll hit, and hit in the clutch. And I love 'em to death. But I just don't see how Clement and Wells can make up for the clutchness we lost with D-Lowe and Pedro. And this year's bullpen is a shadow of last year's - remember what I said about not being able to win without Foulke. Man, we really captured lightning in a bottle. They say Wells comes up big in the post-season, and if he does, I can't wait to see it. But it's pretty clear Schilling 05 can't fill the shoes of Schilling 04. That leaves Wakefield, thank God. Our great white hope.

Can our pitchers come up big? Here's hopin'. And prayin'. And screaming and pacing and panicking...

Red Pix

2005-10-04T21:51:00.000-04:00

AL
Yanks over LAA
Sox over ChW
Yanks over Sox - as I've said all year

NL
StL over SD
Hou over Atl
Hou over StL - the pitching's too good

NYY over Hou - the best team in baseball gets its winning streak at the right time while the world barfs, spews, pukes and projectile vomits.

Blue's Predictions

2005-10-04T12:15:00.000-04:00

ALDS:
Yankees in 5
Red Sox in 4

NLDS:
Astros in 5
Cardinals in 3

Will check in with you guys later to do the ALCS and NLCS predictions. That is, unless I'm too depressed to...

I'm Sorry

2005-10-02T14:07:00.000-04:00

I think that I may have offended people by yesterday's post, and I feel bad. The bottom line is this: I WANT the Sox to make the playoffs. I just think it's funny that you have to rely on Chirpy to get them there. If you've read this blog, you'll see a recurring theme, and that's my disgust for Schilling. He never shuts up. He shows up his teammates. He used last year's championship to stump for a politician. He's an idiot, and not one of the good idiots (Millar, Damon, etc). And, he's given leeway when he shouldn't be given leeway. His record stinks this year but people let him get away with it. But, your post-season hopes are dependent on his ability, so I wish you luck and hopefully we'll see you in the NLCS, ok?

YANKEES WIN THE AL EAST!!!

2005-10-01T16:57:00.000-04:00

In the words of John Sterling, the ones that Red loves so much: Yankees win! Th-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-e Yankees win!!!

That's right, the Yankees just won the AL East. Looks like the future of the Red Sox season lies in the hands of Curt Schilling and Matt Clement. Good Luck!

Bwahahhahahhahahahha!!!

My Fortune Cookie

2005-09-29T18:58:00.000-04:00

This is what my fortune cookie said tonight, no kidding:

"The best prophet of the future is the past."

Yikes! Just one question. Is that the recent past (2004) or the distant past (2003)? The karma in the Sox clubhouse is bringing to mind the Mo Vaughn years... say 1995? By the way, thanks so much Boston media, for intentionally ruining the perfectly good chemistry we had. My new name for you is the-scumbag-losers-who-couldn't-ruin-it-for-us-last-year-no-matter-how-hard-you-tried-so-you-have-to-be-even-meaner-this-year.

The ChW are IN, as of this afternoon. It's disappointing because they fell apart enough in August and September to allow us to actually start seriously dreaming about finishing with home field advantage through the playoffs. Guess not. Right now I'll take the last wildcard slot with a Monday playoff against the D-backs followed by a Tuesday one against the Toledo Mud Hens.

We can do this people... pray for pitching!! LET'S GO RED SOX!!

I Love Johnny D

2005-09-27T18:05:00.000-04:00

I loved where Johnny D said that it's too late for the Sox to get the "hometown discount" for his contract next year. I thought that summed up perfectly exactly what's wrong with Theo's negotiation strategy. You've got to make people feel good about things. Johnny D plays hurt, he puts up numbers, he scores, he drives in runs from the leadoff spot, he's a team leader, he's a positive thinker, he hustles his brains out.

Of course I also love where he's one of the only guys who seem to be going on record every day saying that it's ALL ABOUT another World Series championship. I hear Ortiz and Wakefield say it, and Manny says it occasionally (whenever he gets in hot water!) but I hear Johnny D saying it ALL THE TIME. At the beginning of the season I heard Wells and Clement say it. I want to hear Schilling say it, and Arroyo and Varitek. And the other dudes.

Come on boyz, SAY IT!! You said it all the time last year!! DO YOU WANT IT MORE THAN THE YANKEES?

6 Games Left

2005-09-27T15:56:00.000-04:00

Wakefield just pitched another gem in the early game of the doubleheader between the Red Sox and Blue Jays. Boston wins 3-1. That means that there's six games left and it's all tied up in the AL East. Plus, the wildcard is a three way tie between Boston, New York, and Cleveland. Wow. Even though there's only six games left in the season, I have a feeling we're going to have a year's worth of baseball between now and Sunday...

Rainout

2005-09-27T11:08:00.000-04:00

I gotta say, I was very pleased that the Yankees were able to get a game in last night. Adds just that much pressure to the Sox to get at least one win, if not two today. The big question is this: Which Chirper will take the mound? Will it be the one who is lights out or the one who gets lit up? Will the real Curt Schilling please stand up?

On another note, I'm going to steal a page from Red:
Yankees up: All of them except Embree
Ex-Red Sox down: Embree

AL East or Bust

2005-09-26T08:57:00.000-04:00

Successful trip to Baltimore.

If nothing else, we brought our personal season record to 3-2, and better yet, we squeezed a flat-out tie with the Yankees. (Nothing better than walking into a stadium and seeing TOR 7 NYY4 - F already posted on the board.) I was wrong about 60% of Camden Yards being filled with Sox fans; it was more like 90%! RSN was everywhere! These were essentially home games, kids.

Here's how we're shaping up for the final, scintillating 7 in Fenway against the Js and Yanks. And don't count on the Injuns to lose any more... it's AL East or Bust!

Mon - Bush v Schilling
Tue - Chacin v Wakefield
Wed - Lilly v Arroyo
Thu - Downs v Clement
Fri - Wang v Wells
Sat - Johnson v Schilling (are you kidding me!!)
Sun - Mussina v Wakefield (for all the marbles?)

Sox up: ER, Trot, Manny (thank God)
Sox down: Shaking pitching... let's GO dudes!

Let the Season Begin (Part II)

2005-09-25T12:07:00.000-04:00

154 games ago, I had a post titled 'Let the Season Begin'. Well, 5 months later, we realize that that was just Part I of the season. Part II of the season starts today, but with one difference - there is no wildcard. That's because those crazy Indians won 17 of the last 19 and have a solid hold on a playoff spot. In the AL East, Boston and New York are tied with eight games left. Over the next 5 days, the Yankees have one game against Toronto and four against the O's, while the Sox have one game against the O's and four against Toronto. And then it will begin. War. A three game race between the two biggest rivals in all of sports for the right to keep playing. This isn't Ali/Frazier. This isn't Manchester United/Arsenal. This isn't Cowboys/Steelers. This is bigger. Way bigger. This is what we've been waiting for. This is what we've been hoping for. Unbelieveable.

Watch Your Back

2005-09-25T11:51:00.000-04:00

Red is out to get me. I'm so scared. Terrified, in fact. Here I am, thinking that I know him so well, but I recently woke up to find a knife buried squarely in my back...

Here's what happened: I'm in the finals of our fantasy league against a Red Sox fan, Tyler. He's got an amazing lineup, but I think that my method of managing, picking up and dropping new pitchers every day, might be able to get me the title. I'm doing great until my "friend" Red goes and tells his fellow Sox fan how to beat me. This is after I tell him explicitly not to tell him anything about my strategy. I share an office with Red, thinking that what happens in the office, stays in the office. Well, I guess that's true only if you're not trying to go against Red Sox Nation. Needless to say, Tyler's hitting has been off the charts, my WHIP and ERA have hit the proverbial fan, and I'm barely holding on in Wins and Ks. I'm a dead man walking. Red sold me out. Red hates me. And, if he could do this to me, he could do it to you... Don't say I didn't warn you.

Welcome to the Jungle

2005-09-23T12:13:00.000-04:00

Well, it's a whole new world out there kids. Welcome to the jungle! And beware of Injuns...

We can do this people! We just need a nice streak of starting pitching, plus we have to build some bullpen-proof leads. And pray for the D-Rays. 10 to go, and we need to go 8 and 2. At least.

Tonite we're headed to Baltimore to see the Friday and Saturday games. We'll be in Section 74 tonite and Section 374 tomorrow. Fingers crossed that the Os roll over like they did for the Spanks. You just know with the Os in free-fall that RSN will populate two-thirds of the seats.

It'll be interesting to gauge the mood of their fans compared to last year and the year before. When you think about it, this is one of the worst years ever for an MLB franchise, starting with the Nats stealing half of their fans, peaking with Raffy's needling and then (unfairly) firing Mazilli. The icing is that rock-like fall from the top floor. Ouchers youchers.

Btw - Don't blame Timlin for yesterday or Papelbon for the day before - they are OVER WORKED. Keith Foulke, are you there? HELLO???

Sox up: Manny, Papi, Wakefield. Maybe Arroyo.
Sox down: Jeez... the whole rest of the team!

How to Fix Matt Clement

2005-09-18T16:56:00.000-04:00

Matt hasn't been Matt ever since he got bopped in the head. I think maybe he's living in an old Warner Brothers cartoon. One of those where the character gets hit in the head and gets amnesia. And then they try a million different ways to fix it, but nothing works. And in the end it turns out the only way to fix it is to get hit in the head again.

Ha ha. 8^)

Maybe this is a bad time to bring this up, but how about Matt in short relief?

Sports Talk

2005-09-17T12:04:00.000-04:00

Some things that have been bubbling up inside - not all baseball:

- Well, I derided Yankee fans for not appreciating being in a pennant race and now we're in the thick of it ourselves. Serves me right. But you know what? BRING IT ON!!
- I could care less if Ortiz wins the MVP. I'll tell you what - he's MY MVP. Give it to A-Rod, that's fine with me, I won't even give you an argument. He's the Yankees best player and if they go to the next round, he deserves it. But all I really care about is making the playoffs and getting me another ring.
- Now, more than ever before, my favorite team is the Red Sox and whoever plays the Yankees. Let's break their post-season streak! I've reached the point where I can't watch Yankee games anymore - not because of one of my well-documented superstitions, but because at this time of the year they make me PHYSICALLY ILL.
- Wakefield is the ace of the staff, kids. Plain and simple. But the knuckler comes and goes mysteriously. Most knuckleballers, including Wake, are pretty much .500 pitchers over the long haul. Let's just hope this current streak has some legs.
- Here's my playoff rotation (knock on wood): 1) Wake, 2) Schilling, 3) Wells, 4) Clement. My heart won't break if Arroyo takes 4 and Schilling goes back to the pen to support Foulke (still shaky) and Timlin (god-like). Let's watch the next two Schilling starts, but that might be the right move.
- College football, quick comments... the Cuse, WVa and Pitt should abandon ship and join the ACC... in retrospect, BC made the right call (and it kills me to say that)... I don't like the Orange's new jerseys... they look like Illinois, or (gulp) Virginia... I'm withholding opinion on the new coach, I'll give him to the halfway point of the Big East schedule... can he beat Louisville?
- Pro football, quick comments... don't think I didn't notice the Sox lost on Patriots night... can't let that happen again... I'm withholding comments on the Pats until they are halfway through the AFC East schedule, but only because I don't want to jinx anything.
- Which reminds me: The ChW have a pitcher named Jenks. I laughed out loud when he came out of the pen against the Sawx. Can you break a jinx with a guy named Jenks? You decide.

My New Best Friend

2005-09-17T08:37:00.000-04:00

My new best friend is Chopping Guy Birthday Hat.

Where are you when I need you Liberal Elite? Don't abandon me TylerSalt!! Photes don't fail me now!! And what ever became of Big Tony and the Os? And Pete the Angels fan? Come on guys, we're in the home stretch!! THIS IS IMPORTANT!! I'M TREADING WATER IN A POOL OF YANKEE SEWAGE!!

Chopping Guy Birthday Hat is a lot like David Ortiz - he's the only one who's taking meaningful swings at the moment.

Jimmy the Greek, Non-Racist Version

2005-09-15T22:26:00.000-04:00

That's right, checkin in and I'm calling myself Jimmy the Greek. But, without the bigotry and lard-assness. My prediction was that Schilling would get Shelled and lose 3 of the next 4. Well, I do believe I was right. I pray for you Sawks fans because that big, fat CHUMP is looking kinda like butt.

Today's Truths

2005-09-15T22:19:00.000-04:00

1. Britney Spears having a baby was covered by the press as if it were the capturing of Bin Laden.
2. I find myself rooting more for the Yankees to miss the playoffs than for the Sox to make it. And it's not working.
3. The Sox bullpen is an absolutey horrendous NIGHTMARE. Perhaps we should have kept Schilling there. Are you telling me there was no one Theo could have moved on at the trading deadline? NO ONE?

Radio and TV Guys

2005-09-13T22:25:00.000-04:00

Everyone I listen to on radio and TV - and I mean 100% of them - think it's a forgone conclusion that the Sox will win the division and the Yankees could miss completely. I couldn't disagree more. There's some weird statistic that shows that your position on Sept 3 pretty much foreshadows your position on Oct 3, even if your lead is slim. I just don't buy that.

How easy would it be for the Sox to play really well and go 11-9 with a couple of tough losses while the Yankees play well and get a couple of gifts and go 14-6? REAL EASY. We gotta keep bringing it, EVERY DAY.

And sorry to be a broken record, but I have to repeat my Foulke mantra - we're not going anywhere unless he has it all together. And I'd feel much better if he started getting it together right now!!

Winning Ugly

2005-09-10T22:59:00.000-04:00

Talk about winning ugly! Neither of these teams look playoff-worthy at the moment. In fact, they look a little jittery to me, and they're making me nervous just watching. Last year seemed mano a mano. This year seems like the LLWS. I just watched the Cardinals club the Mets and they look ROCK SOLID. I've caught the Angels recently too, and their game is ON. Can you handle StL vs LAA? How bout the ChW? Having said that:

Schilling was MONEY MONEY MONEY... how good did THAT feel? And Manny was MANNY MANNY MANNY. But how can you bench Johnny D against the Yankees? YOU CAN'T. I'm not digging ER on defense... should I be? I hope Trot and Tek are saving that next clutch hit for a big spot because they haven't done anything with men on recently. A couple of weird moments with Embree, Olerud and Bellhorn, eh? Also, I was thinking about Wells. His D let him down, but he pitched well enough to win. A Rod's homer was a good pitch, he barely got half of it. He's just a titan. A-Rod and Giambi both. Thank God Sheffield's not in the line-up - but you know he MUST be really crippled if he's not playing.

Wakefield vs Unit should be the best game of the three today. Hopefully they won't be kicking the ball all over the field again. Since we took our one game, there's almost no pressure to win (but it wouldn't hurt). At this stage, we would get a moral victory just by again proving that RJ is hittable.

Schilling: He was Good, but he still Sucks.

2005-09-10T16:28:00.000-04:00

Wow. Schilling was lights out. I didn't expect that, but then, it's a game on Fox and it's against the Yankees. Shame on me for doubting he would be any good today... With that said, I truly believe it was a fluke outing. I stick to my prediction that he will be positively Byung-Hyun Kim-esque for the rest of the season. This win gets his suck-fest record to 2 for 3. He'll blow up the next time out, making it 3 for 4, just as I had predicted.

Dale Sveum: The Gift that keeps on Giving

2005-09-09T23:31:00.000-04:00

Thanks for sending Varitek, Dale. You're a champ.

Right or Wrong?

2005-09-09T22:46:00.000-04:00

Check out Jim Capel at the ESPN site.

Does he have it right or wrong? I was all prepared to say he had it wrong, but then I watched tonight's emotionless fiasco, where the fans clearly cared more than the players.

One thing I definitely disagree with is where he says the rivalry is no longer interesting because the Sox won last year. Yet he says he was rooting for the Sox all those years. Think about that - it's the antithesis of logic. Obviously the rivalry is going to be better now that it's not a foregone concusion.

efense

2005-09-09T22:34:00.000-04:00

That's right, something's missing.

It's the 8th inning of this bile-inducing game and it occurs to me: every one of those defensive specialists we picked up at the trading deadline last year are gone. Cabrera, Mientkiewicz, Roberts. So who's supposed to pick up the slack? I'll take Bellhorn back right now, just for a steady glove.

With Schilling going tomorrow, I'll be happy to escape with 1 win this weekend and keep the Yankees 3 games back.

Wow.

2005-09-08T20:56:00.000-04:00

The Yankees look absolutely HORRIBLE. It's embarrassing and difficult to watch. Arrrgh.

Three Little Words

2005-09-06T22:23:00.000-04:00

El Papi Grande

The ChW

2005-09-05T23:32:00.000-04:00

Ok, ok, maybe I'm starting to believe in the ChW. Sheesh. I didn't need to learn the hard way. If this McCarthy guy keeps it up, that really takes the pressure off of Buehrle, Garland et al. Only a couple guys have shut down the Sox like that this year... and the other one's you've heard of.

I watched every pitch today and Schilling seems a little better each time out. I think the baseball gods are timing this so he hits his stride during the last couple of weeks. Having said that, I don't like him against the Yankees this weekend. If they tattoo him, it'll set him back. I'll take my chances with Clement, Wells and Wakefield - they're all shaping up nicely. (My confidence has slipped in Arroyo however.)

How bout Foulke! That was the high point of the game for me. I thought he was ON. He can't be more than a game or two from closing again. Let's use Timlin for the Angels this week, then it's time for Foulke.

How bout Manny with the two throws! I swear he deked Blum into taking 3rd base in the 2nd inning, and would have had him if the throw were 6 inches closer to the bag. And it was even more beautiful when he took out Everett at 2nd, barehanding the carom and gunning him out in one motion. Where's the gold glove??

What was with that lineup? Seemed like Tito didn't care if we won since we've already won the season series against the ChW. I understand Johnny D is banged up so Kapler was in. But I'd rather have Olerud than Millar now, I don't care about the lefty-righty thing. Same for Billy Mill over Youk. Anyone notice Billy Mill is back over .300? That's all I asked of him, so I have to acknowledge it. And his hitting's been clutch.

Didn't get a chance to comment on Wells the other day. My new favorite player is officially in the zone now. Wonder what they said to him in the commish's office? I'd still love to see him dismantle the Angels or Yankees at least once each before the end of the month though, just for the confidence factor.

My previous post was premature - the Petrograd Bolsheviks slipped into the playoffs on the last pitch of the last game. It was a remarkable turn of events, with the Vickies winning big and the Nukes losing big this week. After 5 months of action, the final playoff team was decided by 1 stat category. In fact, the Nukes dropped down to 8th place - the 3G with a big win over the Nukes actually ended up being odd man out. Pretty thrilling actually.

And since the Vickies actually tend to their team (unlike the Nukes), I have revised the odds to make Vicky a slight favorite ahead of me. And that'll make the next round a little tougher for you Blue...

Sox up: Tek, Wells, Clement, Olerud, Billy Mill (need Saves from Foulke to make the list)
Sox down: Schilling, Arroyo, Johnny D

The Real Deal

2005-09-04T18:17:00.000-04:00

It’s playoff time again – not in the bigs but in the all-important Fantasy league.

Last year I coasted to a 2nd place regular-season finish and drew a 1st round bye, only to get smoked in the 2nd round of the playoffs. This year, barring catastrophe in today's games, it looks like I’m going to finish 5th (6 of the 10 teams make the post-season). So on paper at least, this time I’m one of the cool teams – the kind you don’t want to play after your bye week.

Of course, my probable 1st-round opponent – the 4th place Embodied Agents (formerly the Embodied Systems … don’t ask) is another scary team. The Embodied brings the offense and I bring the pitching, but he has manhandled me better than any other opponent in our head-to-heads this year. In preparation for the match-up, I’ve dumped a handful of my loyal players, mostly infielders (my Achilles heel all year), in favor of guys who have been hot for the past month or are playing on contenders (or for that matter, the world-beating D-Rays). Gotta pull out all the stops!

It was a weird year for me, but the competition was great. 3 points to our beleaguered commish for delivering the ever-evasive quality of parity (and for making sure the trash talk never got boring, and sustained a high standard of offensiveness).

My season was like the Tower of Terror at Six Flags – a sheer drop, straight down from 200 feet. I started off red-hot in the first week of April and carried it through to May but slowly came back to earth week by week. I fell out of 1st and 2nd place for good during June, settled in at 3rd and 4th for most of July, the spent the dog days mired in 5th, just hoping I could keep it glued together long enough to play .500 ball and land a playoff spot. Like my team of 40 year old former All Stars, I collapsed across the finish line. Whew!

What happened? I have no excuses, because the 4 teams ahead of me all drafted much better. In retrospect, the season-ending injury in June to my best hitter (Clint Barmes) took me out of it, and the season-ending injury in July to my best pitcher and most creative draft choice (Roy Halladay) pretty much put the nail in the coffin. With Halladay, my pitching was the best in the league. Without Halladay, my staff was still really good, but vulnerable. Meanwhile, I never could scrape up any reliable infielders, and with Beltran putting up a mystifying .260/14/62 season, I treaded water all year without an offensive superstar. My only rocks on offense were the odd couple of Johnny D and Matsui (the good Matsui, that is).

But enough about me. Let’s look at the winners and losers and check those pre-season predictions from April:

1. MANIC PHOTONS. I didn’t see this coming. The Photes were not only the runaway #1 team in the league, but they pretty much embarrassed everyone along the way. The cakewalk included headline-worthy scalpings of my 1st and 2nd place pre-season picks, the Liberal Elite and Lock & Load (Blue’s team). They had to settle for 2nd and 3rd, respectively. The Photes were the only team in the league to completely avoid injury, which needs to happen if you’re going to win, but it was the draft that won her the regular season title. The meat was Ichiro, Juan Pierre, Victor Martinez and Bobby Abreu, making her a lock every week to at least win R, SB, AVG, OPS and yes, 3B. Now add the potatoes to the equation: Derrek Lee, surprise triple crown guy. See what I mean? Also, having her money players in the OF and at 1B kept her E’s way down. It was a GREAT strategy given our stat categories. But it wasn’t all hitting – the pitching staff featured Peavy, AJ Burnett and Isringhausen and a better supporting cast than the rest of us drafted. Unless there’s a lightning bolt from the Blue (so to speak), the Cup is hers to lose.

2. THE LIBERAL ELITE. His draft was so unbelievably good that he has to be scratching his head right now. His anchors on offense are Big Papi, Ensberg and Jeff Kent. The pitching is even scarier, including Carpenter, Oswalt, the Big Unit and three A-List closers. I keep thinking the Elite would have contended for 1st if it weren’t for a couple of peculiar cold spells. In any event, he draws a bye for the 2nd year in a row, so he won’t have to play the Photes until the Finals (last year he went down in the 2nd round, same as me). This year maybe his luck will change. An Elite-Photes finale would certainly be entertaining and epic. If that happens, I will be checking that score every day!

3. LOCK & LOAD. The Load is an old-school throwback. He manages and conducts himself like Billy Martin or Earl Weaver. His trash talking is volatile and his roster changes are frequent. And by frequent I mean hourly. If you forget to check the standings one day, you could miss the entire Load career of some poor, doomed, spot starter. He built a team of solid journeymen around Pujols and Jeter and picked up Andrew Jones at just the right time. Most of all, the Load had a knack of riding guys when they were hot. He deserves the 3 spot, great job.

4. EMBODIED AGENTS. Out of the other nine teams, the Embodied Whatevers is the one guy I haven’t matched up well against. And of course I draw him in the 4 vs 5 matchup in the 1st round of the playoffs. Argh! He’s built around Manny, Burrell and Teixeira, and the draft pick that I let go, Jose Reyes. @#$%!! The relievers are great, with Nathan, Street and Rincon, and the starters are cool because they include Schilling and Clement. (3 points for sticking with Schilling.)

5. WHO’S YOUR DEALER. What I didn’t have in offense I made up for in high-energy, democratically distributed trash talk. I think I projected myself to finish in the middle of the league, so at least that was a good call. Even if I had been patient with Jose Reyes, Travis Hafner and Andruw Jones – all of whom I dropped before the All-Star break – I still wouldn't have finished in the Top 2. Oh well… Woulda shoulda coulda. My offense is weak, so I’ll be relying on Pedro, Roger, Smoltz and Lieber in the playoffs, plus the Hold/Save combo of Flash and Mariano. Wish me luck!

6. NUCLEOPHILIC ATTACK. The Nuclear One was silent but deadly, making only one roster change all summer long. (Compare that to 80+ roster moves for the trigger-happy Load.) The Nuke’s laissez-faire strategy had to be extremely frustrating to the hyperactive, yet doomed GMs in the 2nd division below him. He is top-heavy with closers; the starters are weak. Everyone in the line-up, paced by Soriano and Aramis Ramirez (DL!) is batting .290 with at least 20. Ironically, the Nukes draw the Load in the 3 vs 6 match-up in Round 1. I expect there to be, shall we say… fireworks. Bonus: if the Nukes win the Cup, the Load wears a Sawx hat all winter. Woo woo! The visual image alone is enough to perk me up.

7. PETROGRAD BOLSHEVIKS. How do you say Ouch in Ukranian? Lady Vicky managed his team the same way he trash talks: As if the toilet is overflowing. Whenever he'd make a roster move, I always had a visual image of the Three Stooges wielding plungers, wearing furry Russian ushanka hats, and bumping into each other like Keystone cops. A-Rod and Junior were his best players. The rest of his offense (I-Rod, Edmonds) batted .300 but let him down in the other categories. The pitching came up way short of expectations. Dontrelle was great, but Pettitte and Zito were too little too late.

8. GOING GOING GONORRHEA. The 3G was easier to beat than he was to spell. Having said that, he took me down late in the season when I really needed a win. I don’t think he was ever happy with our league because no one would ever make trades, but that didn’t stop him from trying. Unfortunately, we were more interested in trash talking than trading. Even at this point of the season, he’s still great on paper: Sheffield, Dunn, Cabrera and Tejada. Of the starters, though, only Bartolo Colon supported him – Schmidt and others disappointed. The 3G was very, very shrewd and deserved a lot better. One time the commish accidentally hit “Accept” on a 3G proposed trade (and later had to exercise his commish powers to "undo" it). Also this: one day in July, I checked the scores early before leaving for work, fully intending to pick up Giambi before the sunrise. But it was already too late – the 3G had picked him up the night before!

9. THE REBEL ALLIANCE. When good teams go bad… There’s really no rhyme or reason for the Alliance ending this far down, especially since her draft was really good, especially on offense. A lot of those guys ended up 30/90 but should have been even better. And NONE of her pitchers – all big-name starters and relievers like Mussina, Prior, Lackey, etc. – emerged to have a great season. The Alliance was sort of like the Cubs – lots of good things that should have happened but somehow didn’t.

10. HAVANA DAYDREAMERS. Both communist bloc members missed the playoffs this year – they should have known better – but all of our hard-luck stories pale in comparison to Havana’s. Bonds and Nomar went down for the season before we even had a chance to start exhaling after the draft. And from there it went downhill. Pretty much everyone, save Carlos Delgado, let him down on offense. And he had three ridiculously good closers – K-Rod, Cordero and Wickman – but none of the starters lived up to billing, including Santana. Esto es una pesadilla. No mas, no mas!

PLAYOFF ODDS:

Photes, 1-1
Elite, 2-1
Load, 5-1
Whatevers, 8-1
Dealer, 15-1
Nukes, 20-1

LOWER BRACKET:

3G, 3-2
Alliance, 10-1
Vickies, 12-1
Havana, 20-1

A Brave New World

2005-09-03T18:30:00.000-04:00

Well, it took five months, but we finally woke the sleeping Blue giant. And he's a little feisty, don't you think? Lots of Blue language. And I have the feeling that during Yankee games he holds his breath until he literally turns Blue. Maybe I can put him back to sleep with a couple of haikus.

The Nation is telling me I should reply point-by-point to Blue's recent Septemberfest, and it's tempting. (Having said that, I do need to clarify one point: my Kapler/Roberts comparison was referring to Kapler's ability to be a clutch pinch-runner and play late-inning D in the playoffs. I think everyone in the world knows that neither of them hit home runs.)

But rather than crossing swords, I'd really just like to reiterate three points I've been trying to make all year, apparently unsuccessfully:

1 - This is the first baseball season I have EVER enjoyed. I don't think Blue will ever understand how liberating 04 was. Pity, that. It's a feeling I'd love for all my friends to feel. If the Sox ever win another one, it will be unexpected - and thoroughly enjoyable - icing on the cake. I want to win and I love my Sox, but 04 was fulfilling enough to last my lifetime. THAT'S THE POINT! And hey, check this out... pennant races are fun!

2 - Even in the pre-championship world, I had a filter to screen out noise from Yankee fans. People who think that 26 championships in 82 years somehow makes them superior beings are not enlightened, not interesting, and not worth listening to (I'm not talking about Blue here; he is a GREAT baseball fan and, yes, very interesting!). Yankee fans think differently than all the other fans, and it will never make sense to the rest of us. What other fans EXPECT their franchise to win every year? (And yes, this time I AM talking about Blue!)

3 - The Yankees are the team to beat. Not the Red Sox, White Sox or Cardinals. The Yankees. They have the best starting pitching, the best bullpen, the best bench, and the best 9 hitters in baseball. They're healthy and they're currently in the thick of things. Forget the wildcard - in one weekend series, they can take over first place. What more can you ask for? WAKE UP CALL FOR YANKEE FANS - THIS IS WHAT A PENNANT RACE IS LIKE. (And why do I need to try to cheer you up anyway? Why doesn't having the best team cheer you up? For that matter, why don't those 26 titles cheer you up?)

There's another thing too. Because of last year, I LOVE EVERY ONE OF THESE GUYS! The place they have in Sox fans hearts is unprecedented. If I see Doug Mirabelli in Burger King in the year 2046 I'm going to buy him 17 whoppers and 32 chocolate shakes. And I'll be hugging him like it's October 28th all over again. I don't know how else to drive this point home.

I'll tell you what IS interesting. That this year the shoe is on the other foot. That this year it's the Yankee fans I hear panicking on the radio on the drive home every night, insisting that WE CANNOT LET THE RED SOX DO THIS TO US AGAIN. This year it's the Sox fans who believe! Who'd a-thunk? We're in a parallel universe. It's like beautiful music every night. Evidently, the 1 we have since 1923 is so big that it outweighs all 26 of yours. HOW COULD THAT BE, BLUE?

If it makes you feel any better, any other season would have been a very different story. For the past 35 consecutive years I have been tearing my hair out on Labor Day. I'm still not sure how I talked myself out of slashing my wrists in 78. Or 86. Or 99. Or (heaven help us) 03. And if they'd lost in 04, I really don't think I would have even blogged with you. How's THAT for honesty?

If we had been blog brothers at this point last year, I would have been absolutely freaking out - FREAKING OUT - about not being able to beat the Yankees in the big games, about losing Nomar, about the Randy Johnson rumors, about the inevitability of another Yankee year. (Again - why am I trying to cheer YOU up?)

But this is 05 baby. The post-apocalyptic era. Blue, it's a brave new world. Despite having no Pedro, no Schilling, no Foulke, there is only one team in each league with a better record. I wish I could turn back the clock for you, but I can't. It's changed forever. So deal with it - win or lose, Sox fans now have reason to keep believing.

Why Big Papi is Big Papi

2005-09-01T11:16:00.000-04:00

You know, I watch SportsCenter alot. Like, 3 times a day. Once in the morning, once when I get home from work, and once before I go to bed. The two things that you know you're gonna get from SportsCenter are witty statements (e.g. Boo-yah!, Bring Me the Finest Meats and Cheeses, and en Fuego everything) and highlights of the Yankees and Red Sox. So, I'm watching last night and I realize something. I've probably seen highlights of almost all of David Ortiz's homers, and they all seem to come between the 5th and 9th innings. He doesn't pop them out at the beginning of the game when the opposing team has lots of time to get those runs back. No, he hits them when they count, when they can really make a difference. It's amazing. He is so good it's scary. You Sox fans better be thankful.

Lucky S.O.B.

2005-08-30T23:36:00.000-04:00

Prediction: He's going to lose 3 of his next 4 games and be in the bullpen during the playoffs. Then, he's going to get rocked and, just like last year, cry like a freakin' baby.

He got rocked but he didn't lose. A blown call by the umpire and craptacular relief pitching by the Tampa Bay Suck-Rays helped him avoid the loss. Guess he's gotta lose the next two for my prediction to hold... Oh, and he's gotta cry.

Scraping the Burnt Crust off my Toast

2005-08-30T21:20:00.000-04:00

After giving Red a hard time, I feel it's only right that I tell you all what's happening in my mind regarding the Yankees...

Embree is not the answer. Bellhorn is not the answer. I never thought they would be. But, it's a start. It's a move in the right direction. You see, I know the Yankees are hosed this year. But, they just might be scrappy enough to get through to the playoffs. After that, I leave it to hitters 1-5, Mo, and a boatload of luck. But, I'm not going to say that I'm cool with things. I'm not going to say that any one player could provide a spark. No way. After all, it's all about the grind. And, I'm not going to piss on your leg by saying that I have every confidence in Randy Johnson's ability to get us there. After all, he's over 40. And has no velocity. And has a playoff track record that isn't exactly El Duque-esque... I guess I'm simply trying to temper my enthusiasm of the current Yankee run with a healthy dose of reality. You know, the reality that comes from not winning a World Series title for a long time. Red doesn't have it, since he won one last year. But, it's been so long for me that I'm cautiously skeptical of any runs or possibilities my beloved Yanks have in them.

Wake Up and Smell the Burning Coffee.

2005-08-30T10:37:00.000-04:00

Red isn't worried. He's cool with the current Red Sox roster.

I think he's full of it. I think he's worried but he's too afraid to admit it. And so, he's making excuses...

"Schilling will be fine when we need him. He's got a lot to work through in his head... but he'll be fine when we need him."

HAHAHHAHAH. I love it. Are you trying to convince yourself, Red? He's horrible this year and he's going to continue to be horrible. He's just a shell of his old self. Here are his stats so far:

Record: 5-6
Saves: 9
Blown Saves: 2
ERA 6.89
WHIP 1.55

Man, that SUCKS. As a point of reference, here's the record for Byung-Hyun Kim:

Record: 4-10
ERA: 4.90
WHIP: 1.51

And, Kim is pitching at Coors Field this year. Wow. Schilling REALLY SUCKS. Be a man and admit it, Red. You can't make excuses for him forever. Remember, a winner always asks "What have you done for me lately?". You should pray to God that Epstein is doing that right now and looking to shore up the rotation with someone who doesn't SUCK. Maybe Curt can be a long reliever ala Tanyon Sturtze. It would be a good place for him. When Wakefield, Clement, or Wells gets rocked, he can step in and try to stop the bleeding while Ortiz, Manny, Damon, and Varitek try to get the team back into the game. It's a win-win. If he gets rocked, oh well. If he shuts down the opposing batters and they come back to win, he's a hero. He can chirp all he wants, but without any pressure. He'll be happier than a pig in poop.

Here's the other fun quote from Red:

"Kapler is motivated and can be this year's Dave Roberts."

HA! You wish! Dave Roberts is a one of a kind. He had a core competency that the Sox were able to work to exploit. That's right. He had really great wheels. Kapler has nothing to speak of except the ability to order sushi for the whole table. In 65 at bats this year, Kapler has exactly 1 dinger. He also has a batting average of .231 and an OBP of .271. That's positively Womackian. He isn't a catalyst. He's a rally killer.

Listen, I'm all for being positive, but try to at least be a little realistic. Just a little.

Haiku for Mark Bellhorn

2005-08-30T04:26:00.000-04:00

Boston let you go
Womack is still in the lineup
Welcome to New York

Haiku for Bronson Arroyo

2005-08-29T16:51:00.000-04:00

curve balls or guitars
what is your weapon of choice?
you can't play with both

LL World Series

2005-08-27T20:18:00.000-04:00

This Little League World Series thing is not democratic. In fact it's badly broken. Why does the United States get half the teams in the tournament and an automatic draw into the championship game?

If this were a REAL tournament, there would be 16 teams of which the US would get... hmm, let me think. Oh yeah...

ONE!

Have we become so pathetic that we have to stack the deck against the rest of the world? Why can't we be like other countries and have our own domestic tournament the month before the LLWS tournament? Are we special for some reason? Does it strike anyone as ironic that, ever since the Iron Curtain fell, this is the same strategy we have used to stimulate the international economy? Here's a clue: IT DOESN'T WORK.

Are you beginning to understand why the other countries HATE US??

What Me Worry?

2005-08-26T19:45:00.000-04:00

Lots of emails today, asking if I'm worried about Schilling. Drum roll please. The answer?

NOPE.

Schilling will be fine when we need him. He's got a lot to work through in his head... but he'll be fine when we need him.

Think of it this way: Everything has gone wrong this season that didn't go wrong last season. We're basically where we are - which by the way, is 1st place - without any contriibution from Schilling, Pedro, Lowe, and Foulke. Guys who had career years last year - like Bellhorn, Mueller, and Millar - are nowhere NEAR the zone. (I have way more faith in Graffanino and Kapler than in Millar... which is not good.)

Thankfully, the following things are constant (Lord hear our prayer): Johnny D, Manny, Ortiz, Varitek, Trot, and ER. Believe it or not, Olerud is a constant. Timlin, Gonzalez and Myers, in the right slots, are all constants. Kapler is motivated and can be this year's Dave Roberts. These are a few of the reasons that you still see us at the top of the AL East.

We've got a lot of time to get this together people. If it's a wildcard, it's a wildcard. You figured the Yankees would win the division anyway. (I still have them to win it all - is there a reason to change?) I have faith in Schilling, I have faith in Clement. In big games, I have faith in Wakefield. I have a new-found faith in Wells (but I think he needs some pre-playoff wins against the Angels and Yankees to cement his confidence). That's four. The ups and downs of Arroyo and Miller won't necessarily hurt us. What will hurt us is going into the playoffs without Foulke at 100%. I repeat:

WHAT WILL HURT US IS GOING INTO THE PLAYOFFS WITHOUT FOULKE AT 100%. PERIOD.

Once Again, With Feeling

2005-08-26T12:16:00.000-04:00

Prediction: He's going to lose 3 of his next 4 games and be in the bullpen during the playoffs. Then, he's going to get rocked and, just like last year, cry like a freakin' baby.

One down, two to go.

Deep Thoughts...

2005-08-25T15:16:00.000-04:00

* Schilling's first start in God-knows-how-long is tonight. I think his arm will fall off trying to be go back to the starting rotation. Prediction: He's going to lose 3 of his next 4 games and be in the bullpen during the playoffs. Then, he's going to get rocked and, just like last year, cry like a freakin' baby.

* Raphael Palmiero is a cheater. Plain and simple. He's not going to the Hall. He should have quit after last season and ensured his own enshrinement. Instead, he got greedy. He deserves what he gets. Which will be NOTHING.

* Why is the penalty for gambling worse than the penalty for using steroids? After all, both are done so you can make cash. In fact, I'm willing to go on record to say that steroids are worse than gambling. Pete Rose never bet on his team to lose. He never threw a game. What's the harm? It's a victimless crime! But, Palmiero got his little slap on the wrist and can potentially still get into Cooperstown. His little chemical foray hurt every person he passed in the record books, it hurt every single player he played against, it juiced his own team's records, helped every one of his teammates... The list goes on and on. He's scum.

* Shawn Chacon is a stud. So is Jaret Wright. Just hope they don't turn into pumpkins over the next month!

* I have Rookie fever. Jeff Francoeur. Rickie Weeks. Huston Street. Clint Barmes. King Felix. David Wright. Zach Duke. I love following these players. Gives me hope in the future. Just can't wait for old, curmudgeonly farts like Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, and Gary Sheffield to retire so we can bring some new blood into the game.

* The whole Kansas City fan base should be rioting. That damn owner pockets all the revenue sharing money and puts a Double-A team out on the field every night. You can fault Steinbrenner for a million things, but don't you dare ever criticize him for not caring enough to put a winner out there. He could roll over like all those other owners, but he wants to win. He feels like he owes it to his city to do that, and so he spends. Yeah, it's embarassing to have a payroll north of $200M, but at least he's not on the other end of the spectrum. That's downright rude.

* Tom Gordon is a headcase, and I'm scared as hell of how he's going to perform in September (and hopefully, October). He needs to chill out. Bad. Maybe Randy Moss can hook him up with some kind bud. It'll definitely help.

* Milton Bradley is a total POS. I hate the term, but maybe it's fitting to call him a cancer on his team. It's so sad. He and Terrell Owens should go play canasta together and stop bothering everyone else who's having a good time.

* Armando Benitez rules. Here's a guy who could have called it in when he ripped his groin in half, but instead he's out there tossing a ball exactly two days after his operation. He worked out like a man (take that, Barry Bonds!) and got himself back to a place where he could help his team out. Awesome. Every team should be so lucky to have someone like that on their roster.

* I'm a big fan of the Washington Nationals. They're competitive. The city loves them. They have Frank Robinson running the show. They keep at it. I would love to see them in the playoffs (though I bet Montreal would be pissed, eh?).

* Jae Seo is the first Asian player who has shown real emotion on the field. More than both Matsuis, more than Ichiro, more than Iguchi, more than Choi... In fact, the only Asian player who comes close to matching his emotion is Byung Hyung Kim. And, that isn't the kind of emotion you should be proud of. After all, you wouldn't brag about crying on the mound during the playoffs or giving your home crowd the finger, would you?

* Why is Womack still playing? Cashman really screwed that one up.

* Timlin is timid. He shouldn't be. He has lights-out stuff when he wants it. Maybe he and Gordon can split an ounce of weed.

* Manny still rules. So does Big Papi. I wish I had those guys on my team. That would be awesome.

* Doc Gooden is on the lam. So sad. I just hope he isn't hiding out with Darryl. If so, there's more snow there than Aspen in January.

That's all for now. I promise I won't be a stranger...

A Perfect Triangle

2005-08-25T14:29:00.000-04:00

The AL is symmetrical today:

On the ends, in the East and West, the Sox and Angels lead the Yankees and A's by 3 1/2 games. The Sox and Angels are both 20 games over .500.

In the middle, in the Central, the ChiW leads the Sox and Angels by, yep, 3 1/2.

And here's the cool part: The Yankees, Injuns and A's are in a dead heat for the wild card. Precisely the same record. That forms a perfect triangle.

Schilling starts tonite. Still worried that we're messing up Timlin more than we're messing up Schilling. But we'll see...

Sox up: Gonazalez, Papelbon, Graffanino, ER (but please CATCH the ball!)
Sox down: Pitchers

Angels in the Outfield

2005-08-22T09:30:00.000-04:00

My life has turned upside-down. Now that we've got the championships, thinking about baseball is the most relaxing thing in my life:

- Getting a split in Anaheim is always a plus. My whole life seems to be filled with losing 3 of 4 in the OC. I'll bet the Angels are happy too.
- What did I say about the White Sox? They're on the way DOWN baby. What did I say about the Injuns? Say HELLO to a real contender.
- Note that the Angels, Injuns and ChiW are the only three AL teams with winning road records (Sox are .500). To me, that makes them playoff scary.
- Both NY starters got rocked yesterday. The Unit gives up 4 bombs to the weakest hitting team in the league. Even funnier, Kris Benson can't get out of the 1st.
- What's the deal with the A's? Why is August the only month they play? Can't they get a script writer for the other 5 months? And it looks like their August was short this year.
- Timlin's gonna close for a while. I hope we don't mess him up. But I'm glad Schilling will start. And I'm psyched they are actually giving Pawtucket and Portland guys a real chance this year.
- Two points for Papelbon.

Say It Ain't So

2005-08-15T20:46:00.000-04:00

Well kids, this weekend I got word from the underground that Manny has tested positive for steroids. The reason that it hasn’t been on ESPN or in the papers yet, I’m told, is that it’s still in arbitration. (Raffy and the other shooters went through the same pre-announcement arbitration ordeal. In fact with Raffy I think it lasted almost a couple of months.)

Maybe it’s a hoax (perpetrated by a Sheffield fan no doubt!) or maybe it’s true and Manny will somehow prevail in arbitration so that it never comes to light. But if it IS true – and this DOES come out in the open – then we’re about to experience Mannygeddon. Perhaps the saddest commentary that I can offer you is the fact that the prospect of Manny on roids does, indeed, seem plausible. Not as much as a bunch of other guys I can think of doing roids, but… Manny Being Manny will take on new meaning.

So let’s pretend this IS going to happen, and allow me to pre-empt the vultures with the following points of reason. (Then I won’t have to write about it if it actually happens.)

To Manny:

- I STILL LOVE YOU!!!
- But if you juiced, this time I AM going to be mad at you, bro. (As mad as one can be at Manny!) So please do this for me: Be a Giambi. Don’t be a Raffy-Sheff-Bonds. Admit wrong-doing, beg for forgiveness, apologize to RSN. Weather the storm, and then we can all move on.
- PLEASE don’t pull the old “I have no idea how human growth hormone could have snuck its way into my enchilada” routine. SPARE US the indignity.
- I wonder if this is why you wanted to leave Boston two weeks ago. Because maybe you didn’t want to be around when the poop hit the rotating blades. Hmmm…
- Stay positive. Stay focused. Don’t get down on yourself or on the fans when they boo you. And next time just say NO.
- You’ve got the best teammates in the world and a pretty understanding coach. Listen to them!

To Fellow Sox fans:

- The saddest thing of all will be accepting the fact that the “sweet swingin’ days” of Manny Ramirez may have been juiced. If that’s the case, load up on Zoloft and Paxcil and Tequila. And call your fellow Sox support hotlines because we’re all gonna need to help each other through the crisis with some Manny-therapy.
- Yes, this will be a sad day in Sox history, but not as sad as any of those tough losses in ‘03 or ye olde 20th century. This is an hombre-made problemo and the hombre will just have to take his deserved darts of poison for a while. So will the team and the management.
- We as fans don’t have to take any darts. We didn’t inject the juice (we just drank the kool-aid). So don’t take any junk from people. Draw a line in the sand!
- Don’t despair the ’05 season. If Manny broke the rules, he broke the rules. We lose him for 10 days, he comes back, we win it all. Let’s not let the team get down and let’s keep pushing forward in his absence.
- In your saddest moments, remember the TROPHY!! Fire up the ’04 DVD!! Woo woo!!

Battle of the Soxes

2005-08-12T21:48:00.000-04:00

Sox v. Sox redux starts tonite at Fenway. This time they are the top two teams in the AL.

Amazingly the Whites are 35 games over .500, compared to the Red’s 19. Which means our Reds are 8 games – 8 GAMES! – behind the Whites. Which means if the playoffs started today, the Whites would draw the wildcard… which today would be the Angels (the Injuns are behind the Angels… and the NYY, against all things rational and aligned in the universe, are behind the Injuns). And the Angels, dear Rivals fans, are, believe it or not, the team you would rather face in the playoffs. You don’t want to go anywhere near the A’s this time. NOWHERE NEAR THEM I TELL YOU.

Either way you look at it, life looks good for fans of both Soxes. So, today, I guess I have to begrudgingly start giving some love to the Caucasian Sox… or do I? At the risk of putting my Sox where my foot is, here’s where my head is at:

I don’t understand why the Whites have such a huge lead, but I do understand why they’re in 1st place. They’re in 1st place because of Buehrle and Garland. I don’t drink the Konerko koolaid, I don’t buy the Ozzie thing. (I’ll give you the Podsednik thing, because he’s a guy that helps you win the 3-2 games.) But THE reason they are in 1st is because they’re the only team in the AL that’s had their 1-2 pitchers on top of their games all season.

After the 1-2, however, there’s a big drop off to Contreras and El Duque. And by big I mean HUUUGE. These are two guys who have recently proven to not deliver in the playoffs, and they’re both sketchy against the D-Rays. I would say the Buehrle-Garland thing might be an advantage in the playoffs, except that:

- Oakland is deeper, with a solid 1 through 3, maybe even 1-4,
- The Sox are deeper, with a solid 1-4, (especially with Schilling in the rotation),
- Garland and Buehrle aren’t playoff tested and will have put in too many innings by the start of October, and,
- Dustin Hermanson is gonna get roped in the playoffs. ROPED I TELL YOU.

So go ahead and sweep us in Fenway, Whitey. I still won’t believe in you. To tell you the truth, I won’t believe in you until I actually see you win the AL with my own eyes. But if you do win the AL and go for that once-in-a-lifetime shot to break Chi-town's own horrible curse, let me go on record saying this:

I WILL BE ROOTING FOR THE SOX IN THE SERIES.

Because being cursed is the worst.

Minnesota

2005-08-09T23:00:00.000-04:00

Long story short, we’ve won 10 of 12. And the two we lost were the two we flew two hours for – in Minneapolis. So coupled with our 8-0 romp in Philadelphia in June, we’re 1-2 on the year. The question we were asking ourselves all weekend: For what reason did we choose Minneapolis?

Impressions:

- Minneapolis is gorgeous and surprisingly cosmo, and the people are great. They love their Twinkies (in more ways than one).
- Word on the street is that this year they’re only filling up the Dome for Sox and Yankees games. One guy who drives up from Iowa for all weekend home games said that at a recent A’s game, “you could hear crickets.”
- We talked to people from Iowa, both Dakotas, Nebraska and Wisconsin. The Twins own the hearts of – I kid you not – the crucial demographic region they call “the upper midwest.” We had to keep reminding ourselves we were in a blue state.
- Red Sox Nation represented, but no where near on the scale with which they descend on Baltimore or Philadelphia. Enough to freak out the Minnesota fans though.
- BTW, our banner said: "30 HR 100 RBI IS MANNY BEING MANNY." 8^)
- The Homerdome is a foul, gloomy, dirty, charmless, characterless CATASTROPHE. It doesn’t go with the rest of the city, and every single person we talked to HATES it. They’re about to break ground on a new stadium, so everyone is relieved.
- They call it the Homerdome, but the Tripledome would be more apt. Singles skip through the gaps and roll all the way to the wall. Fly balls are lost in the white roof. Bad hops carom off of seams around the bases. A giant RUBBER Dodge ad stretches from right-center to right field and is, inexplicably, in play. When the ball hits it, the rubber absorbs all the energy and it bounces straight down. Real exciting! NOT. We saw several examples of each. It didn’t seem like baseball, more like a weird variation that you play on a pinball machine.
- The echo in the stadium is overwhelming. When the 10 boy scouts in the row in front of us tried to start the wave it sounded like the Mongols were invading.
- This is football country, so they were disappointing baseball fans. They didn't cheer nice plays by the Sox, and cheered - loudly - when a batted ball hit one of their baserunners.
- Without Torii Hunter, the team, like the stadium, is also a characterless catastrophe. Santana, Nathan and Lew Ford (Loooooooo) are by far the fan favorites.
- The Sox were EMBARRASSING in the field, but we're going to chalk it up to the Dirt Dome and move on. Bill Mill and ER: all I have to say is AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!
- My new favorite Red Sox: David Wells. We saw him signing autographs before breakfast on Sunday. Plus it's a blast watching him pitch. He knows what he's doing! He gave up only one seeing eye single until the 6th when he inexplicably lost it. No more donut jokes, STARTING NOW.
- Manny, Ortiz and ER all piled into a Hummer while the rest of the team got on a bus. We saw Arroyo, Wells, Schilling (in a huge hurry), Johnny, and Bill Mill. Wells and Millar were the most friendly (even though Wells was robbed of a win the night before). The highlight was Kevin Millar. He signed a little boy’s MILLAR 15 jersey and talked to people gathered around the bus for 6 or 8 minutes. I have some pix, maybe I'll post them.

Sox up: Manny Manny Manny, Welcome Back Kapler, Graffanino
Sox down: Petegine (quoi?), Mirabelli, and those darn Millers

I'm not worried. Really.

2005-08-04T10:07:00.000-04:00

So, 4 1/2 back with two months to go. That's cool. I'm not worried. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. I mean, what do we have to fear? We can go on a 10 game run any time we like. You know, like next week. I hope. We don't have to be concerned with the A's and their turnaround. Not at all. I mean, what do they have that we don't have? 5 healthy starters, you say? Pffft. After all, we have Leiter and Nomo. And, we're getting Sele. And they're all healthy... So there! You see, we have nothing to fear at all. Nothing.

*sob*

Reality Check

2005-08-04T07:52:00.000-04:00

It's August 3rd, we're at the 2/3 mark of the season with two months to go, and...

- Manny is already at 30/100, leading the league in both. And for those of you who malign his D, he's also leading AL OF in assists. And he makes 1 web gem per week. Despite that scary collision with ER last night, HE HELD ON TO THE BALL. Amen.
- Johnny D is having his best season ever, leading the league in AVG, H and R. It's crazy. PLEASE don't let him go to the Yankees. PLEASE. PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE.
- Schilling has 7 S, 2 BS and 2 Ws as a closer. So we haven't lost a step from Foulke.
- Playoff rotation of Clement, Wells, Wakefield and Arroyo may be good enough to win AL. Don't talk to me about Miller.
- We're on a winning streak a couple weeks earlier than last year's winning streak - 7 in a row. (Let's peak at the right time though!)
- We're 4 1/2 up on the Yankees, who are 1 1/2 up on the Js. Hmm.
- Giambi is the most feared hitter in the AL. A-Rod is 2nd, Sheffield 3rd. Manny, Ortiz, Johnny might be 4-6. Explain.
- The Os and Raffy are plummeting to the ocean floor, about to join the Rays.
- Andrew says I'm too hard on Bill Muell, that he's great on D and has been solid and clutch at the plate. (Jury's still out on the other Millers though. Show me.)

Tomorrow we're joining T-Man and spouse in Minneapolis for our 2nd Red Sox Nation outing of the year. We'll be at the Fri and Sat games. We're making a banner that says "SOX FANS LOVE MANNY." Too bad we won't see Santana. Look for us!!

Daylight?

2005-08-03T08:38:00.000-04:00

Wow, a little daylight - 3 1/2 games. During that entire stretch of extreme chaos, the Yankees only saw 1/2 game ray of light for about 1/2 a day. Hard to believe.

Questions for you: What happened to Al Leiter. Is he the one-hit wonder? Are the Yankees going to prove me wrong and NOT go 26-4 this month? Come on, LOOK AT THAT LINE-UP! BTW, who's pitching today, Vladimir Putin?

ROFL when I saw Manny with the "Manny Being Manny" sign. Then of course he goes deep. Fans go wild.

What's up with the NL West? Sheesh. We should drop them to AAA and bring up Buffalo and Columbus.

Sox up: Manny! Grafanino, Wells, Johnny, Bill Mill
Sox down: Trot (ease up bro!)

Quickies

2005-08-02T14:51:00.000-04:00

No time to write these days, but here's what's in my head:

- Manny is like the most beautiful girl in high school. The one who was psycho. You have an amazing year-long relationship, and you are king and queen of the prom. And then she dumps you. Because she's psycho. But you can't hate her because she's so beautiful. And in the end she decides she loves you again. But beware, because she could DUMP YOU AGAIN AT ANY TIME.

Therefore: I decided I'm not mad at the Fenway fans for booing Manny. I think it woke him up. Note to Manny - how are you ever going to upgrade from US? A little tough love. And if you wanted privacy, why were you going to New York?!? I'm not a celebrity, and I HAVE NO PRIVACY IN NEW YORK!

AND AND AND... I think Ortiz had a weird strategy defending Manny. But I guess that's what it took, because it worked. If I were in the clubhouse, my reaction would have been more like the Donut Man's. True.

- Jose Canseco was right! And while Raffy contemplates jail time, Giambi is suddenly the best player in the AL, Bonds is outta here (woo woo!) and Sheffield is on FIRE.

- Meanwhile if the season ended today, the A's would be the wildcard. The O's are in freefall without a parachute. But at what point do either the Sox or Yankees make their move? Things are getting a bit jello-y, don't you think?

Raphael Palmiero: HOF?

2005-08-01T12:56:00.000-04:00

In light of the breaking news, I think 3000 hits and 500 HR is NOT a guaranteed ticket to Cooperstown. Discuss amongst yourselves...

Three Questions

2005-08-01T08:21:00.000-04:00

1. Alan Embree is now a Yankee?
2. They gave him a no-trade clause?
3. Are you f**king kidding me?

Haiku Appreciation for Matt Clement

2005-07-27T15:43:00.000-04:00

you soar like a star
yet we find inspiration
when you fall to earth

On My Nerves

2005-07-25T14:25:00.000-04:00

These are things that are on my nerves:

1. The AL Least. Are we really sitting atop the worst division in baseball? This is when the Wildcard begins to look unfair. The teams that are feasting on head-to-heads in lesser divisions have an advantage. The AL East teams are killing each other. But it's not just THAT. You begin to get the feeling no one wants to win the division. It's not even back and forth - it's just stagnant. Just when the Sox, Yankees and Orioles seem to be ready to move past their toughest times and start a legitimate winning streak, they sputter. Here's what I think - I think one of them is going to need to put together a REAL streak to wake the other two up. I'm not looking forward to the Yankees putting together another streak like they had in May, the one they started when they were 10-19 (or whatever it was). Please don't let that happen.

2. Arroyo. I didn't think staging an album party the night before a start against the White Sox was too cool. And I think the results proved me right. Didn't Bernie Williams release his dopey album in the off-season? Focus on the game, dude. THE GAME. Having said that, please don't trade him. When the time is right, his curve ball will start SNAPPING.

3. The trading deadline. Would A.J. Burnett really get more quality starts than Arroyo? Billy Wagner I'll take, just so we can get Schilling back in the rotation where he belongs. I trust in Theo to get it right.

4. Dirt Dogs. Don't you think they should start apologizing to Manny right about now? Or maybe they should apologize to ME.

5. The Millers. Just because Wade Miller pitched a shutout, which I officially consider a fluke, I'm not letting you guys off the hook. Unless Millar is giving us .280/25/85, then he is a liability. I'm lobbying for more PT for Olerud. Unless Mueller is giving us .300/15/80, then HE's a liability. Why is Youk in Pawtucket?? And I'm willing to give Cora and Grafanino plenty of time to spell Bellhorn (a legitimate liability and my honorary 4th Miller). They couldn't be any worse.

Sox up: Wells, Timlin, Johnny
Sox down: Schilling, the Millers
Trade bait: Arroyo, the Millers
Please don't trade: Trot

No

2005-07-25T13:58:00.000-04:00

No. We don't.

Three Rivals?

2005-07-24T23:01:00.000-04:00

Just found out our new co-worker Fred is a Mets fan. That's right. He openly roots for the likes of Beltran, Piazza, and Petey while constantly praying for the demise of our beloved Yankees and Red Sox. Do we dare open this forum of ours up to the musings of someone who celebrated in 1986, wept in 2000, and calls Shea freakin' Stadium hollowed ground? Do we?

Liar.

2005-07-18T10:17:00.000-04:00

80 Miles Per Hour? C'mon! Give us a break. I guarantee that if we got a radar hooked up, you'd barely crack 60. Now, with that said, if the remote hit a lamp and smashed it, at least you could say that you had "lights-out" stuff...

Oh, and by the way, here are my guesses for Schilling's 3 ESPYs...

1. Best Shameless Use of a Championship by 'Endorsing' a Presidential Candidate
2. Biggest Crybaby. Literally.
3. Best Impersonation of a Chirping Bird

Actually, I just looked, and he only deserved 2 ESPYs. The guy didn't play in game 5 of the ALCS, Red. It was Pedro, Timlin, Foulke, Arroyo, Myers, Embree, and Wakefield.

Technology Lesson

2005-07-18T09:37:00.000-04:00

Well, I learned a few things about Panasonic TV remotes last night. If you throw one at, say, 80 miles an hour, and make contact in just the right spot – on the top-left corner, I think – it will splinter into 5 perfect pieces (plus two AA batteries)… without breaking!

You can snap it back together as good as new… ALMOST before your wife comes into the room to find out what’s going on. (It took a while to hunt down the batteries.) And here’s the cool part - it will still work! (The reward: you can watch Schilling take home 3 Espy’s. Woo woo!)

Here are the 5 components of a remote:

1. Top cover, with holes cut out for the keys
2. Bottom cover, with built-in braces to support the circuit board
3. Rubber keypad (surprised to find it was floppy, like a small fish)
4. Touch-sensitive circuit board (really cool! includes battery springs and infrared light)
5. Plastic battery door

Well-crafted technology. I don’t think we should take it for granted.

Yankees 5, Red Sox 3. Yankees win series 3-1.

2005-07-17T23:42:00.000-04:00

Looks like we have a race, folks... Dan Shaughnessey can kiss my ass. It was precisely 3 weeks ago that he declared the race for the AL East was over:

"It's OK to say it. Don't worry about jinxing them. The 2005 Red Sox are going to win the American League East. By a landslide. Come late September, this is going to look like Secretariat at the Belmont in 1973.

After looking up at the Orioles for two frustrating months, the Sox moved into first place Friday night and they are there to stay. Stop worrying about the Yankees, Orioles, and Jays. It's not even going to be close."

He's a tool.

Here are some other random thoughts about the series, the teams, and the players...

1. Leiter is God. He's was lightning in a bottle, just like Cashman had hoped for. Three hits, one earned run, tons of strikes. Money.
2. A-Rod is officially free of that monkey that everyone (particularly annoying Sox fans) kept imagining.
3. Don't ever throw at or behind Sheff. He's a very, very angry man. Evidently, he takes it out on the ball.
4. How can any baserunner trust Dale Sveum? I mean, shit, I would never, ever pay attention to that guy if a game was on the line.
5. I'm psyched that Johnny D has the hitting streak going. He's definitely deserving. I just hope, for the Boston fans, that the Sox can keep him out of the Bronx next year. I'd take his throws-like-a-girl arm over Bernie's throws-like-a-girl arm any day!
6. Jeter is like a deer in the headlights when batting against the Sox, but he sure was flashing the leather, huh?
7. Why does Giambi sweat so damn much? It's creepy.
8. Robinson Cano almost gave me a heart attack in the 9th. The wife had to leave the room she was so mad. Would love to see her watch a game with Red!
9. I still love Manny. But what's up with that weird shell around his neck? It was Turk Wendell-esque in it's weirdness.
10. Hey Trot, wash the freakin' hat and batting helmet. The hat looks like a walrus made love to it and the batting helmet looks a lot like my toilet the day after a night of heavy drinking. Superstitions are cute and all, but those lids are just plain rude.

Yankees 7-4

2005-07-16T18:26:00.000-04:00

Now that I've simmered down, three thoughts:

1. Well, I asked for a more interesting game. Serves me right.
2. We live in a mystical world where Mark Bellhorn can homer off of Randy Johnson.
3. I was really feeling good about 3 out of 4. Now... not so much.

People I'm feeling the love for right now:

JEREMI GONZALES! Manny! Schilling! Timlin! Johnny D! Trot! Tek! Al Leiter! Yes, AL LEITER!

People I'm trying to get out of my head right now:

Clement... no no NOOOOOOOO!
ER... biggest AB of the game... where were you?
A-Rod and Sheff... no love, but alas, respect. I guess.
Dale Sveum... by now if I'm a baserunner, I do the opposite.

Sox 17-1

2005-07-16T11:38:00.000-04:00

That score and that game were boring to me. Piling up the score is useless in baseball. The Yankees do it all the time too. The outcome and momentum shift is nice though, after the "A-Rod" game. I'll always take a split going into the weekend, especially with these Sat and Sun pitching match-ups.

After Thursday, everyone on NYC TV and Radio was saying A-Rod is now a true Yankee and that if they win something this year, that game will be remembered as a turning point. I agree on both - ya gotta beat the champions if ya wanna win it.

But people got a little too excited for July. Let me take a second to dispute ESPN radio guy (and Yankee play-by-play guy) Michael Kay, who said yesterday afternoon "If the Yankees didn't win that one, they could have fallen apart - Seriously, they really could have."

DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT. They will not fall apart, not with their sluggers hitting like this. Nor would one game prompt a team loaded with this many all-star veterans to fall apart. (Though it's nice to dream! ;^)) Nor does a 17-1 loss mean they're falling apart. They have the best hitter in the game (also the AL MVP) and top-to-bottom the best line-up in the game. The problem is the pitching is average and getting worse with the injuries. BUT NO ONE HAS GOOD PITCHING!

If anything, 17-1 symbolizes the Yankee modus operandi this season: inability to carry momentum from big wins. Anyhoo... Hoping today will be more exciting with Unit and Clement.

Sox up: Trot, Johnny D, Papi (the Yankee killers!)
Sox down: Schilling, Bellhorn, Embree

Clutch?

2005-07-15T00:06:00.000-04:00

A-Rod was. Steroid-boy wasn't. Maybe he should pitch more and chirp less. Loser.

8-6 Yankees

2005-07-14T23:04:00.000-04:00

And we're back... with a symbolic score no less.

Yeah sure man, but that was a FUN game! If all 4 are like this, this is gonna be an EXCELLENT weekend. Lots of plot twists, tons of action, and until Mariano came in, lots of juicy pitches. A coupla things:

- Waaaaaaay too early to bring Schilling into a do-or-die situation. Obviously he's not even close. DUH. Didn't Tito say he would "ease" him back into the starting role? I was SHRIEKING at the radio. He should have broken Schilling in either by setting up the short relievers or by entering a game with a 4-run spread (either team ahead).
- Two points for A-Rod. Yankee fans (and I) have been saying he ain't clutch. Well, it's not Sept or Oct yet, but he did it.
- Minus two points for the bald-headed moron who blocked Trot from reaching Giambi's tater. (Giambi!!)
- There are lots of scenarios where this weekend ends with a virtual 3-way tie in the east. I'm down wid dat! See ya tomorrow.

All-Star Things

2005-07-12T09:44:00.000-04:00

Thoughts about things:

1. The Home Run Derby was fun, albeit tedious after a while. The international format was outstanding. People who don’t like it are pathetic old school American jingoists who hate other countries and other cultures. And there are a lot of them around these days.
2. Between Manny, Papi and Tejada, the Dominican guys have so much personality that it’s almost not fair to the other teams. I was sad for Big P when he pooped in Act II. But not as sad as I was for the Canadian dude who posted a donut.
3. As long as they were using guys who weren’t selected to the All-Star game, Matsui/Japan should have been there too.
4. Note to ESPN: I would rather watch the Minor League All-Star Game than watch another celebrity-jock softball game.
5. Note to the Commish: The Baseball World Cup is a GREAT idea. I can’t wait!
6. My 2 cents: Wouldn’t November have been a better choice than March?!?
7. And then there was this beautiful moment for America: While all of the Latin and Asian players celebrated and embraced the World Cup, Gary Sheffield said it wasn’t important enough to risk injury, so he won’t play. I’m absolutely shocked that such a legendary team player would have that opinion. Shocked I tell you.
8. Two questions: 1) Who would have asked Gary Sheffield to play? 2) I don’t want Me-Me’s like Sheffield on Team USA. Oh wait, that wasn’t a question. Hey Sheffield, here's an idea... DON'T PLAY! Oops, that wasn't a question either.
9. One or two more Sheffields and I just might find myself rooting for the Dominican. Or maybe I'll root for one of those countries where people actually vote, and don’t take all their blessings for granted. That’s my right as a free American. In fact maybe I’ll burn a flag today.
10. Prediction: The NL finally breaks through and wins the All-Star Game, 12-9. Pujols and Derrek Lee will come up big. Why? Because of the law of averages! Nine AL wins in a row would be too many. As I’m learning in the fantasy league, baseball is a giant probability equation.

Controversies

2005-07-09T15:17:00.000-04:00

Well, every Red Sox season reaches this point when our boyz start making "dysfunctional family" headlines. You thought this season might be different for a million reasons, but it's same ol' same ol':

- Johnny D mouths off about the decision to bring Schilling back in the pen. You sort of agree with him, but wish he shut up.
- Wells mouths off about the Kenny Rogers thing, just trying to be provocative, but you wish he'd shut up. (So far the only thing I agree with Wells on is donuts.)
- Payton mouths off about playing time, and since they cut him I'll bet HE wishes he'd shut up. I wish he was still here because he's a great outfielder, decent hitter, and nice speed. The next best thing to Dave Roberts. Sort of a Sophie's Choice, I guess... but would you rather get 500 at-bats for the Brewers or get 250 at-bats for the defending champs and play on national TV every week and go deep into the playoffs? Duh-yee.

There are 3 thoughts bouncing between my ears (on the dysfunctional topic, that is):

1. The dysfunctional angle is always blown out of proportion by the Scumoftheearth, oops I mean the Boston Media. This year it's blown up even more so because we are the champions and the whole world is following the soap opera. Believe me, it doesn't impact the players that much, especially when you have steady guys in the clubhouse like Papi and Varitek.
2. Tito and Theo have fostered an environment where people can blow off steam by being big kids and by mouthing off. It's one of the reasons they won and it's one of the reasons we love em. So, I guess what I'm saying is Live by the sword, Die by the sword.
3. Knowing this team, this won't make too much of a difference in the long run. But at the moment I have to admit that all this looks like enough of a distraction to cost them a couple of games. Remember what I said about the rollercoaster being part of the fun...?

Having said that, let's not take our eye off of the fact that the bigger problem is bullpen depth. As we speak, I'm watching the Miller brothers and Halama stink up Camden Yards, when we should be pinning the Os with our foot jammed into their throats. The Yankees are having a much worse season but have won 8 of 10 and are only 3 1/2 back. I think the All-Star game is coming at a good time.

81 Down, 81 to Go

2005-07-06T13:29:00.000-04:00

We're just past the halfway mark, so I was curious to revisit my pre-season predictions. For the record, the Sox are actually 47-35, 3 1/2 up on the Os, 4 on the Schmanks, and 5 1/2 on the Js.

AL East
1. Yankees I'm sticking with it.
2. Red Sox (wildcard) Sticking with it.
But overall the Yankees are WAY too strong and want it too badly this time. I don't want to be them if they don't win it all. Agree. I'm sticking with the whole scenario.

AL Central
1. Twins OK.
2. Injuns Sure.
And watch the Tigers.Hmm. We're missing the ChW. Well, guess what, I'm sticking with it. They're gonna go 39-42 in the 2nd half.

AL West
1. Angels Yep.
2. A's Maybe. But I think the real challenge to the Angels will come from Tex.
LA (or Anaheim or whatever) will have it sewn up by Labor Day. Yep. The A's look strong again, so the real unknown here is Tex.

NL

1. The NL will field 3 completely different playoff teams than last year. I'll stick with it - how about Nats, Pods, Mets?

2. The Braves will go to the Series and lose to the Angels. OK, the Yankees. But the Angels are the only team that will threaten the Yankees. And people besides me will call the 2005 Yankees the Best Team Ever. Hmm. REWRITE: The Yankees may yet make it to the World Series, but no one will call them the BTE, including me.

3. Yankees win season series over Sox, 11-8. Three bench-clearing brawls, including two in one game (at Fenway). "Roid Rage" Sheffield and "Wild Man" Mantei at the center of the fracas. This time there are real injuries to both teams. REWRITE: Sox win 10-9. Sticking with the fracas thing.

4. Matsui wins the AL MVP over A-Rod thanks to mondo total bases and RBIs. RJ wins 23 for the Cy over Santana. Matsui wins RBI title by a dozen over Sheffied and Tejada. Jeter has his best year ever with the bat, and 6 Yankees go 25/95. WOW. OK, let's take them one at a time. A-Rod will win the MVP. RJ will finish 19-12 and in the Top 5 for Cy but that's it. Manny is going to win the RBI title over Matsui and Tejada. It's not Jeter having his best year with the bat - it's Johnny D! And unbelievably, only 3 Yankees are going to do better than 25/95.

5. Manny-Ortiz battle for HR title. Schilling has an off year (17-11) but comes alive in Aug-Sep to lift Sox to wildcard. Clement also wins 17, Arroyo 15, Wakefield and Wells 13, Miller 12. But not having Pedro and Lowe will be the difference in the playoffs. Sticking with 90% of this. Schilling can't win 17 thanks to the injury, but will definitely come alive in Aug-Sep. Switch the wins for Wakefiled and Arroyo.

Ex-Sox Per-dictions:

1. Nomar will be the Cubs MVP, but they'll come up short. Might make the wildcard. REWRITE!
2. Cabrera will become an All-Star with the Angels. REWRITE!
3. Pedro will go 17-7, Mets will contend until the Break. Yes! How do you like me NOW?
4. Lowe will go 16-8, Dodgers will contend until late Sep. Close. I'll stick with it.
5. Mientkiewicz will bat 8th but still get 18/80 and a gold glove. Um, no.
6. Roberts will steal 66, 3rd in the NL. Nope. Not gonna happen
7. Banished to Yomiuri, Gabe "Welcome Back" Kapler will date the goofy food-taster actress chick from Iron Chef.Maybe - but I also found an article that says he talking to Theo about coming back. Nice story, but I'd rather have a bullpen guy!

A bigger question for the 2nd half... what about POKEY?

Praise for the Js

2005-07-05T15:27:00.000-04:00

The Yankees loudly pulled to within 4 games during the July 4th weekend Foulke festival, but no one has noticed the Js who are also 4 back - very quietly. They made the red hot Sox look like PawSox. How could that be? Mostly because of Doc Halladay. No one else in the AL East has a pitcher as consistently dominant as my boy Roy - especially against other AL East teams. A couple of points each for ex-Sox Hillenbrand, Vernon Wells (who is clutch), and Miguel Batista too. I can vouch for Batista because he's on my fantasy team.

Other than that, it's smoke and mirrors. Can they pull a wildcard or division title out of this? Heck, if they can get to the halfway point only 4 back, why not? They could easily go 12 games over .500 in the 2nd half - and bring down the big 3 while they're at it.

BTW, Giambi jacked two against the Os yesterday. So of course the airwaves this morning included joke after joke about Giambi being back on the Juice. Really funny. Not.

Sox up: The All-Star starting quartet (especially Manny!)
Sox down: Mantei, Foulke

Hate to Say It, but...

2005-06-30T12:11:00.000-04:00

The rumored Mike Cameron for Gary Sheffield trade kinda made sense. The Mets would get a natural right fielder to go with Cliff Floyd and Carlos Beltran, and the Yankees would get a natural center fielder to go with Hideki Matsui in left and Ruben/Bubba/Bernie taking over in right. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning this trade, because I'm a huge fan of Sheff. But, it does make sense, providing Cameron keeps up his nice homerun/ribbie/OPS numbers. And, the Yankees would get to start paring down salaries, getting new blood in the clubhouse, etc. Now, with all that said, it's not going to happen. And that's just fine with me.

Backup Catchers: Know Your Role, Shut Your Hole

2005-06-29T16:35:00.000-04:00

Evan was just giving me hell for never writing about John Flaherty, the Yankees' backup catcher. I think it's because he doesn't want to be the only one with a crush on a backup backstop...

In any case, here is what you want from a backup catcher:

1. He'll call a good, solid game. This guy pays attention and studies every batter so much and spends so much time with the pitchers on the bench that they inherently trust him. You won't see anyone shaking him off. I guarantee it.
2. You want someone who won't complain about playing time. He'll take what is given to him.
3. You want a guy who goes out there once, maybe twice a week, who doesn't want the spotlight. He doesn't seek the airtime after the game, either. However, he will be articulate and unfailingly polite when he gets it.
4. He will never take credit for anything. Rather, he will talk about how all those around him work hard and that his own success is all owed to them.
5. He will take the fall for a bad outing, simply to save the ego of the bigtime pitcher.
6. He doesn't get in big contract or arbitration battles. He'll sign his $800,000 - $1,500,000 a year contract, say thank you, and never speak about it again.
7. He'll get a hit or two, staying above the Mendoze (aka Thome) line at all times. He may even get a game winner (see: July 1, 2004 against the Sox aka The Jeter game)
8. If he's a veteran, he'll help the kid out, discussing pitch selection, footwork, and how to not be a dick.
9. He'll help the coaches out, offering insight on the opponents and strategy.
10. He'll be in the bad baseball network shows (read: Kids on Deck, YES Network) when all the other superstars don't want to be.

All I can say is that John Flaherty fulfills this role. He goes about his business professionally, with grace, and without complaint. He helps out the younger guys when needed. He'll cover up a pitcher's bad outing or even take the fall himself. He's the consumate team player. I salute you John. Like I salute a trusted wingman.

Responses to your Emails

2005-06-29T09:49:00.000-04:00

No, it didn't seem worth mentioning that the Sox are now in 1st place. The point being, IT'S STILL JUNE PEOPLE!!

Yes, I was at the Friday nite game in Philly when they moved ahead of the Os. Section 206, 2nd level next to the RF pole, right smack in the midst of a very vocal Sox Nation (which accounted for 50% of the crowd). AMAZING NIGHT! Manny was making crazy catches and bopping taters, so I was in baseball heaven. Shout out to my boyz Sully and Sam from Walpole.

No, I don't agree with Dan Shaughnessy that the Sox are now going to run away with it. In fact I'm at the point where whatever Dan Shaughnessy says, my brain will reflexively create the opposite opinion. Given the salary imbalances, I can't explain how parity got here, but it's a blessing. It looks to me like we're going to have thrilling division, wildcard and pennant races all across the board.

Yes, I'm WAY down on Boston Dirtdogs. For example, why they have been picking on Manny this season is beyond baffling to me. The all-too human savior is in our midst and the Romans are nailing him to the cross. Just stick to funny headlines and Yankee-hating, guys. Please.

No, I don't hate Bellhorn, I'm just wondering out loud why we aren't giving some other guys a shot at his job. There are definitely some gaping holes in his game.

Yes, Foulke freaks me, and last night's Injuns debacle is Exhibit #241-D. As Blue has noted, the whole notion of a closer whose Out pitch is a change-up is scary to me. It all seems to hinge too much on a constant, delicate, fine-tuning of the arm motion. But when he's on, he's on. You know and I know he was the MVP of the World Series. It's worth the wait. In the meantime, try to enjoy the Indiana Jones roller-coaster ride. Keep telling yourself that the journey, not the destination, is the adventure.

No, I don't think the Yankees are done. Even though they've stunk, they're only 6 back, a gap they can easily close in a 10-game span. I'm not doomsaying. Several teams have done EXACTLY that already this year, and we're not even halfway. And the Yankees still have the best team on paper.

Yes, I voted for Johnny D over Ichiro for the 3rd AL outfield spot (after Manny and Vlad). Just compare their numbers.

Sox down: The Bullpen, The Millers
Sox up: Everybody else

Tony Womack and Joe Torre: Driving Me CRAZY

2005-06-28T13:37:00.000-04:00

Joe Torre drives me bananas. Particularly as it pertains to one Tony Womack. Why the hell is this guy out there? He SUCKS! I know that. You know that. We all know that. Does Joe know that? I think he does. I think he's keeping him out there to prove some god-awful point, cutting off the nose to spite the face. He's saying: "Hey, I wanted you guys to keep Miguel Cairo around, but noooooo, you didn't. You went out and got me Tony Freakin' Womack. Well, if that's how you want it, fine, I'll play him. Every day. It doesn't matter if he's got a grand total of 5 extra-base hits. It doesn't matter if he's got all of eleven RBIs all season. It doesn't matter that if he's got an OBP of .273! You got him even though I didn't want him. Tough shit. Deal with it." And, he won't put a rookie in the outfield because he fundamentally has a problem with doing so, as evidenced by that notoriously quick hook of his. God forbid he lets any of them play more than one game in a row to prove themselves. Man, I'm so pissed off about this. It's driving me absolutely crazy!!! ARRRGH!!!!

Memo to Tito, RE: All-Star Lineup

2005-06-28T12:04:00.000-04:00

Dude. The power to get home field advantage is in your hands. This is a very winnable game. Follow these simple instructions and we’ll be looking at a Game 7 in Fenway. I know you have to start the pretty boys who the fans voted for, but get the gamers into the lineup as fast as you can! Here’s the ideal scenario:

C – If you want to win, start Varitek. And you’re doing well with I-Rod off the bench. But don’t go deeper than that. No Pierzynski, no Mauer, no Victor Martinez. Don’t mess with anything like that.
1B – Take Teixera as far as you can go with him. Konerko comes in later in the game. No Travis Hafner or Erstad or any of those lightweights. OK, if you have to, use Erstad. But no Palmeiro.
2B – Brian Roberts has to start, but get Soriano in the game as fast as you can, and leave him there. No Bret Boone, no Chone Figgins, no Tag Iguchi.
SS – Tejada baby. Jeter comes in later, but get Tejada three at-bats. If you have to go deeper, go with ER or Cabrera for the experience.
3B – It has to be A-Rod. He could homer early. But since we’ll need clutch hitting later, bring in Mota off the bench. Keep Blalock and Huff on the pine. Don't invite Chavez.
OF – Manny, Johnny D and Guerrero. After a couple of swings, bring Ichiro in for Manny. If you have a lead, bring Torii Hunter in for Johnny D to protect the alleys. If you’re behind, Matsui or Sheffield can go deep. And just in case you need to manufacture one run, keep Crawford on the bench. Podsednik has to sit.
DH – Papi baby. And leave him in the WHOLE GAME – no substitutes.
SP – Halladay starts, you’ll get 3 flawless innings. Trust me on this one. Then get 2 from Santana. I know you have to play the White Sox, so give Buehrle and Garland each an inning. But put them on a short leash.
RP – Give the Big Unit an inning, he knows how to get tough hitters out. PLEASE don’t play Clement, it will mess up his head for the rest of the year. And the following guys could implode, so don’t let them ANYWHERE near the mound: Shields, Bonderman, Bartolo Colon, Wickman, Guardado, F-Rod. And I know you’re not thinking about using Foulke… Right? RIGHT? Don’t use any middle relievers like Timlin, either. Go with the real starters for 1 inning each. Close with Mariano… don’t use anyone else, even if they have twice as many saves. They’re all pretenders.

Thanks. See you in October.
E

Red is Ready

2005-06-27T12:36:00.000-04:00

Open Ended:
1. What is your current state of being, as it refers to baseball?
Never enjoyed a season more. Come to think of it, I never enjoyed a season.
2. Do you think the Red Sox will win it all again this year?
They can do it, but it depends if they're still hungry. Right now, the ChW, LAA and StL all seem hungrier.
3. If you had to build a new franchise around any single Red Sox player, who would it be and why?
Varitek. Because he's a leader and his presence can make or break an entire pitching staff.
4. What do you miss about being a fan of the team that "hasn't won since 1918"?
Nothing.
5. If you had to choose between Boston never winning another World Series or Syracuse never getting to another final four, which would it be?
Syracuse never getting to another final four. Only because my Sox allegiance started a few years before my SU allegiance... if we're splitting hairs, it runs a little deeper.
6. Do you think anyone on last year's Red Sox team used steroids? If so, who?
Yes, every team has 'em. Performance trends and injuries would point to Kapler, Millar, Nomar, Mientkiewicz, Pokey, Williamson, Embree. And (gasp) Schilling.
7. Cubs or White Sox?
Is that like Ginger or Mary Ann? White Sox.
8. Why do you hate the Yankees?
From 1977-82, player arrogance. From 1970-76 and 1983-95, there was no reason to hate them. From 1996-04, fan arrogance and bandwagoning. In 2005, fans backstabbing the players.
9. How do you feel about A-Rod?
A sure Hall-of-Famer who could be remembered as an ALL-TIME GREAT if he looks in the mirror and finds - instead of a pretty boy - his inner clutchness.
10. If you could have dinner with any 4 baseball players, alive or dead, who would they be and why?
Joe Carter - to find out how a season-ending walk-off feels. I practiced it in my backyard for 17 years. Manny - for being Manny. Millar - for some LOL about '04. Shoeless Joe - to find the truth!! Can I bring Yaz and Ted to pick up the tab?

Word Association:
1. John Henry
Just another Thurston Howell III buying himself toys. Two points for the Evil Empire comment.
2. Theo Epstein
Jimmy Neutron. Nothin' but love.
3. Tito
Hey, he never stopped believin'. Nothin' but love.
4. Tek
Glad he's on my team. Nothin' but love.
5. Manny
I love him so much IT MAKES ME CRY. Nada pero amor.
6. Big Papi
Clutch with a hug. Nada pero amor GRANDE!
7. Millar
Glad he's on my team. Nothin' but love.
8. Johnny D
Love on several levels...
9. Schilling
THE REASON WE ARE COMPLETE. If I ever meet him I will hug him and kiss his lacerated ankle.
10. Wells
Donuts. Big oozing grape jelly donuts. With spam.
11. Jeter
Gamer. Captain America.
12. Steinbrenner
Thurston Howell - with WS rings.
13. Hideki Matsui
Underrated - master of the little things.
14. Fenway
Home away from home.
15. 1918
Woodrow Wilson.
16. Green Monster
Those seats!
17. Boston DirtDogs
Funny... until somebody gets hurt.
18. Sam Horn
Old school.
19. Dave Roberts
Jay Payton.
20. And to close it out: Foulke
Indiana Jones.

Questions for Red

2005-06-27T09:57:00.000-04:00

Open Ended:
1. What is your current state of being, as it refers to baseball?
2. Do you think the Red Sox will win it all again this year?
3. If you had to build a new franchise around any single Red Sox player, who would it be and why?
4. What do you miss about being a fan of the team that "hasn't won since 1918"?
5. If you had to choose between Boston never winning another World Series or Syracuse never getting to another final four, which would it be?
6. Do you think anyone on last year's Red Sox team used steroids? If so, who?
7. Cubs or White Sox?
8. Why do you hate the Yankees?
9. How do you feel about A-Rod?
10. If you could have dinner with any 4 baseball players, alive or dead, who would they be and why?

Word Association:
1. John Henry
2. Theo Epstein
3. Tito
4. Tek
5. Manny
6. Big Papi
7. Millar
8. Johnny D
9. Schilling
10. Wells
11. Jeter
12. Steinbrenner
13. Hideki Matsui
14. Fenway
15. 1918
16. Green Monster
17. Boston DirtDogs
18. Sam Horn
19. Dave Roberts
2o. And to close it out: Foulke

Blue's Answers

2005-06-24T13:27:00.000-04:00

Here you go...

1. Summarize your overall state of being here on planet earth.
Pleasantly buzzed...
2. What is your current thinking on order of finish for AL East, and AL playoff outcome?
Finish order: Boston, Yankees, Orioles, Toronto, Devil Rays
Playoff outcome: Minnesota beats Boston, Texas beats Chicago, Minnesota beats Texas
3. If I had asked you on April 1, how many Yankee wins would you have projected by June 24?
47. Thanks for rubbing it in.
4. Top 3 things/people you blame; Top 3 things/people you don't blame
I don't blame people. Dirtdogs do. Just kidding! I blame Steinbrenner, Cashman, and Torre. They should have known that 3 NL pitchers would get shelled in the AL. They also should know that you can't keep mucking with the lineup! And, what the hell is with the Tony Womack experiment? Enough, already!!! They guy stinks. Put Bernie back in center and get your lineup solidified! Sheesh.
I don't blame A-Rod. I don't blame Bernie. I don't blame Giambi.
5. What can they do to get their mojo back?
Get rid of Womack, choose a lineup and stick with it. Play that lineup every single day, with the exception of Posada. Rest him twice a week. Flaherty can handle it and it will keep him fresh for August and Septemeber.

Word association game:
- Giambi
Sad
- Randy
Overpaid (and not Beltran)
- A-Rod
Underappreciated
- Womack
Shouldn't be playing
- Tino
Better than Russ Johnson
- Posada
Toad
- Bernie
Put him back in center!
- Sheffield
Napoleon
- Godzilla
Great DH
- Jeter
Money
- Cano
Tradebait
- Long Duk Dong (or whatever)
Quit making fun of my people!
- Mariano
Number 1
- Flash
Gives me ulcers
- Bullpen
Blecchh
- Starters
Blecchh / I miss Lieber, Pettite, Vasquez, and Weaver
- George
Best Owner in the game
- Mets
Why can't they get good pitching?
- New stadium
Current stadium is old, old, old. Plus, why give money to the owners of the Royals and Devil Rays? After all, they don't spend it on their team, they just put it in their pockets...
- Manny
With the possible exception of Brandon Inge, he's my favorite player
- Rotisserie
Chicken

Blue's Clues

2005-06-24T12:22:00.000-04:00

Well Blue,

Baseball is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, cloaked in wonder, and found in a box of crackerjacks. We're almost at the halfway point and against all preconceived notions of the 2005 season, I'm wondering if you might slash your wrists. I'm glad you are kicking everyone's butt in the fantasy league. As your resident pop-psychoanalyst, I think that's keeping you glued together. As for me, I'm not ready to daydream about a matching set of rings yet, and I'm sinking in the fantasy league standings like an angry camel in quicksand. Having said that...

I'm standing by my original playoff picks. I still say the Yankees finish with the best record in the AL, but only with 99. They will put it together big-time in Aug and early Sept. How can they NOT with that lineup, plus a steaming hot Unit? They ARE very weird, what with the 20-run blow-outs, followed almost every time by 5-run losses. But the Yankees are neither down nor out. In fact, considering everything, they are FRIGHTENINGLY close. However, they won't be able to handle Bos, Min OR Tex in the playoffs. And for the record, I do NOT believe in the Os or the ChW. But I do believe in StL, mostly due to their pitching.

Q&A for Blue:

1. Summarize your overall state of being here on planet earth.
2. What is your current thinking on order of finish for AL East, and AL playoff outcome?
3. If I had asked you on April 1, how many Yankee wins would you have projected by June 24?
4. Top 3 things/people you blame; Top 3 things/people you don't blame
5. What can they do to get their mojo back?

Word association game:
- Giambi
- Randy
- A-Rod
- Womack
- Tino
- Posada
- Bernie
- Sheffield
- Godzilla
- Jeter
- Cano
- Long Duk Dong (or whatever)
- Mariano
- Flash
- Bullpen
- Starters
- George
- Mets
- New stadium
- Manny
- Rotisserie

We Sweep-um Injuns

2005-06-23T12:55:00.000-04:00

The Sox-Injuns were, surprisingly, broadcast on the Ocho last nite. And it was, unexpectedly, a really good one. And the Sox, remarkably, got the sweep in a game they shouldn't have won. By the 6th, the Injuns, shockingly, looked like they didn't want to be there. And finally, serendipitously(!?), the Os and Yanks were losing to the Js and Rays.

Highlights:

- There were some small signs of life from each of "The Millers." But even better was that the game was won outright by the holy newcomer trinity of Payton, ER and Olerud.
- Payton did a dead-on impersonation of Dave Roberts, legging out a clutch triple late in the game. ER has hit his stride - he's now Steady Eddie in the field and has a consistent, reliable power stroke. Olerud is a pro baby. He's Charlie Brown, but he's a pro.
- Just when I though Tito would be happy with 2 out of 3 - mainly because I would have been happy with 2 out of 3 - he pulled the big dogs out of the bullpen to go for the jugular and the sweep (he brought in Foulke when it was tied... hmm... zen master or zoo mudster, you make the call).
- Tito was also Mr. Nick-of-time. Miller was just about to implode (badly) when he yanked him. Against all expectations, Embree escaped unscathed from bases loaded no outs... then in the next inning Tito yanked him just before HE was going to implode. Then Timlin and Myers (yes Myers!) were money. And Foulke was a one-man Indiana Jones adventure again, but somehow it works. Go figure. Two points for Tito for keeping the faith in all of them.

About Miller - I don't like his pitching mechanics or his mound demeanor. He reminds me of the way my buddies pitched in high school. He gets my vote for long relief when Schilling comes back.

High point of the game - When Olerud hit his 1st Sox dinger - a clutch one - and had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT TO DO when Big Papi gave him the bear hug. Could he BE any whiter?

Please add to the MLB death match wish list - David Wells vs the fat closer from the Injuns. I'd pay good money to see it.

To Use or Not To Use?

2005-06-22T14:52:00.000-04:00

Whenever Red and I talk about players, we always question whether or not they used/use steroids. Whether it's because they're not peforming the way they used to, the way their bodies have changed, or if they're always injured, the steroid era has made us ultra-aware of baseball players and keeps us wondering if those players decided to get a little extra boost. Here are our findings:

Definites:
1. Jason Giambi - He admitted using without admitting. Plus, he sucks now.
2. Gary Sheffield - He did admit it.
3. Barry Bonds - C'mon!

Probable
1. Curt Schilling - Why can't he pitch? Why can't he heal?
2. Scott Rolen - What's up with injury and lack of production?
3. Adrian Beltre - Last year vs. this year = Jekyll vs. Hyde
4. Rafael Palmiero - Just because he had to testify.
5. Sammy Sosa - Performance, injury, etc. Plus, after corking, what's a little juice?
6. Nomar Garciaparra - He's always hurt. Always.
7. Armando Benitez - Ouch.
8. Jim Thome - Season Stats: 5 Dingers, .218 Average, .724 OPS - 'Nuff Said!
9. Kevin Millar - As streaky as they come.
10. Bret Boone - From first to worst.
11. Mike Lowell - Compare the stats from the past 3 years to this year.
12. Jeff Bagwell - Lost around 35 pounds between 2003 and 2004.

Maybe
1. Mark Prior - If it's not one injury, it's another.
2. Andy Pettitte - Nothing like when he was with the Yankees. Nothing.
3. Eric Gagne - Blew his arm out because his body couldn't handle the strain.
4. Juan Gonzalez - HAHAHAHHA
5. Ken Griffey, Jr. - I don't care if you're always active, your hammy's should heal.
6. Dan Kolb - Blech. Either it's 'roids or he's a head case. Either way, he blows.
7. Pudge - Have you seen the after pictures?
8. Kerry Wood - Forget about 20 K games. Where are the 8 K games?
9. Mike Piazza - Poor guy can't even throw to second!
10. Lance Berkman - Injuries and a huge performance dropoff
11. Kevin Brown - Anger issues = Roid rage

Masking Agents
1. Brian Roberts - Where did he come from? Brady Anderson, here we come!
2. Roger Clemens - The guy is a dinosaur and he still keeps pitching like a madman!
3. Derrick Lee - Triple Crown? He's hitting .100 above his career!
4. Carlos Lee - Huh? Where did he come from?
5. A-Rod - Just because he can afford it!

Acid Flashback

2005-06-22T12:13:00.000-04:00

This is kinda weird: We were also 40-30 on this date last year. How do I know? It's my birthday! Seems like we were recovering from a serious swoon and just starting to head in the right direction. Then July ended up being ugly anyway.

For reference, I noticed this morning that we are back in the wildcard slot, and we'd also be the wildcard in the NL. We would be 2nd in every division, but 1st in the NL West.

The Yankees did another monster Run pile-up last nite. Seems they do that once a week. I guess that's how they work out all their anxieties. Overall, it's kinda getting interesting. The Js are beating up on the Os a little bit which is making things tight. Whatever. It beats the Yankees already being ahead by 14 games (which is what is should be). And yes, Arroyo beat the Injuns last nite and is back to being Arroyo.

Today's theory: If we can fix the Millers we'll be sittin' pretty. And by Millers, I mean Miller, Mueller, Millar. And Bellhorn. He's a token Miller.

The Injuns

2005-06-21T13:18:00.000-04:00

Nice win last night, because Cleveland is arguably the hottest team in the AL right now. Whaddya bet they can catch the ChW? I have a good feeling that Bronson can keep it going. This is a good test for him. I'm also pretty happy with the starters right now, for the most part. Over the weekend, Wake pitched like a Greek God but got no support, while Mr. Miller was shaky and the bats had to bail him out. And don't listen to the idiots on TV - Manny is Money. Embree and Foulke both have a couple of decent outings under their belts now, so maybe the worst of that is over. But probably not - I'm starting to emotionally prepare for the 2nd-half roller coaster!

Another plus sign - we're suddenly within 2 games of the Os. I'm really looking forward to playing them head to head. In fact, we may have to go to Baltimore for the next series. Another possibility - Sox/Phillies in the Ballpark this weekend!

But don't look over your shoulder folks - I think I hear a freight train comin'! Until last night's loss to the D-Rays, the Yankees were winning, and winning all types of games. Nailbiters, blow-outs, even a few 7th inning comebacks that set up Flash and Mariano. Kinda like the real Yankees used to do...

Around the Bellhorn

2005-06-17T09:36:00.000-04:00

Tonite, Miller can make it 5 straight butt-kickin’, ginger-snappin’, Tabasco-flavored starts. How cool would THAT be? He was the last one to get shelled, against ChiC last week. And Schilling’s back with the team. So right at this little snapshot in time in Sox history, things are lookin’ rosy.

1B – We’re lucky to have Olerud. Did I already say that? For whatever reason, Millah can’t seem to shoulder the load for a full season. Having said that, I’ll be glad to have BOTH of them come Sept.

2B – I am Mr. Positive this year, but this is a weak spot. Why not give Vazquez a little more PT? And Youk doesn’t look too bad there, either. Come on Tito, it’s not as if Bellhorn’s a genius with the leather. Can Hanley Ramirez from Portland play 2nd? I know he hasn't been hitting well, but he's probably frustrated... why not bring him up now to get a taste?

SS – I’m happy. Yes I am. 5 points for Theo. And we know ER is clutch because he got the season-ending walk-off hit in the Marlins series.

3B – Billy Mill lives! But I’d still like to see him win a game or two single-handedly, just to make sure he still can. And why not get the AVG up to at least .300? I love you bro, but bring me the AVG.

Queer Eye

2005-06-17T09:29:00.000-04:00

A bunch of people asked me about the Queer Eye episode, and I remember promising a review during Spring Training, so I’ll oblige. The coolest thing about it was how much personality the Sox bring to the table. They are legitimate international rock-stars. But other than the fact that it was about the 2004 World Series Champion Boston Red Sox – which makes me grin like the Cheshire cat and shake my head in disbelief– it really wasn’t all that much funnier than a regular episode. Not that I’ve ever watched a whole episode.

Some thoughts:

- Varitek is underachieving with that wife. Holy Precolay. Follow Johnny D’s lead and go for the upgrade, bro.
- Millar is one guy on this planet I would LOVE to hang with, even for 5 minutes. What a great teammate. But what was up with that fairy dance? Once maybe. But over and over?
- I realize that I know nothing about this – but didn’t those clothes SUCK? I laughed out loud when Mirabelli said he wouldn’t wear it. And 3 points to Johnny D for correctly questioning the stripe-on-stripe look. He looked like pimp daddy.
- High moment #1 – Carson Kressly (sp?) copping a not-too-subtle feel of Johnny’s supple, rippling, muscled pecs. And Johnny not objecting.
- High moment #2 – The look on the little leaguers’ faces when they found out they were scrimmaging the Red Sox – I actually choked up on that one.
- High moment #3 – Johnny D moonwalking.
- Low moment – Where were Manny and Papi? How can we even THINK about getting a makeover without those guys? Man oh Manny - the comedy he would have delivered just by being Manny. It makes my face hurt just thinking about it. I’ll trade you Wake and Belli for Manny and Papi. Right now, and do the whole thing again.

New Stadiums

2005-06-16T15:34:00.000-04:00

Here are some things that are bouncing around my head. I listened to this on sportstalk radio driving home last night, and I don't think callers were asking the right questions.

- The Mets and Yankees are getting new stadiums. Do the Mets & Yankees NEED new stadiums? Are they having trouble making their #1 and #3 payrolls? Don't cities have rules about tearing things down that are currently useful and fully functioning?
- I remember a chunk of concrete fell in the bleachers in Yankee stadium the year before last. Did they ever fix that?
- Tell me if I heard this right: There's a loophole in the luxury payroll tax rule that says that instead of putting the excess tax in the league salary pool, the Yankees - since I think they are the only team that pays luxury tax - can instead "invest" that money in the local community. For example, by building a new stadium in the Bronx. Am I hearing that right? Yes/No
- Exactly how does building a stadium bring new jobs to the community? Won't the same people be selling hot dogs and t-shirts? Maybe it brings new construction jobs during the year it takes to build the stadium... but would those construction workers otherwise be out of work? Wouldn't they just be building something else?
- If I were a Yankee fan I would want them to call the new stadium Yankee Stadium. Why would they consider anything else? As a Sox fan in search of the elusive "amusement" factor, however, Verizon Park or Steinbrenner Field would be highly enjoyable. (As for Shea Stadium... WHO CARES?)

BTW - as long as I'm goofing on New Yorkers, here's a story on me. If you had asked me one year ago today, I would have voted to build a new stadium in Boston. I particularly liked the idea of turning Fenway into a museum and park across the street from the new stadium - with the Mawnstah intact. My reason: because I believe the left-field wall yields too many cheap doubles and blocks too many homers. It changes the game too much, and I think has historically been a disadvantage to the Sox. Plus, admit it, it's pretty grungy. Especially underneath.

But now that we got our World Series championship ring? KEEP FENWAY FOREVAH. OK, so... I'm a hypocrite. What are you?

The June Swoon

2005-06-13T11:30:00.000-04:00

I can't wait until we're past this National League nonsense and back to reality. I could whine and say the AL East's draw of the NL Central - with an imbalance of home/away games - will adversely impact the wildcard race. (It will... but I won't.) And after we're done with Cincinnati and Pittsburgh, we have to go visit our red-hot "rival" in Philadelphia - a team that, like the Braves, no one else in the AL East has to play. Hmm...

Having said that, if there was one series I would have liked to go to this year, it was the Cubs-Sox at Wrigley. It looked like a blast this weekend - even Nomar was smiling. Gee, do you think we might have anything in common with Cubs fans? I guarantee we would have made some new friends and would have been chatting non-stop. A baseball rivalry based on commiseration and mutual affection - imagine that!

Theo went on record this weekend as saying he's running out of patience. But I have to think he's just talking to make it look good. Hey Theo - you let Pedro and Lowe go, now you have to pay the price. You know better than anyone that the Sox can actually be worse than they were last year and still win it all! If he's like me, Theo won't REALLY begin to fret until either the Orioles or Yankees start to put it together. And neither of them are showing even the slightest sign. Even if the Big Unit really is back, who picks up the slack on days 2 through 5? And Sidney Ponson? Puh-LEEZ.

In many ways, this season is playing into the Sox' hands. I know it's not text book, but they are clearly still hung over from last year and pacing themselves. Thankfully, they've proven that they can summon the energy - and the magic - whenever they need it. And that makes me feel good about August and September. Remember, it's all about pitching, kids. And since we may not be able to count on Schilling at all this year, the million-dollar question is whether Clement, Wakefield, Arroyo, Miller and Wells will be there to answer the call. Does that rotation look weak to you? Funny... because the only pitching staffs that look any better to me are in the National League.

Sox up: Johnny D, Wells, Youk, Mike Myers
Sox down: Bellhorn, Arroyo, Halama, Mantei