Wednesday, May 18, 2005

A Breakthrough Theory

[Note: While Blue silently meditates on the Yankees' ascension to the level of the Blue Jays - 10 straight against those mighty A's and M's - I'll just entertain myself for a while.]

My friend Pete, the Angels fan, says the Red Sox lead the league in grabbing their crotches. He and his buddies pay close attention to which teams are habitual crotch grabbers. There is even a drinking game in SoCal in which you have to drink whenever a player on TV grabs his crotch. Apparently there were lots of drunk people in the OC after the Sox-Angels in Round 1 last year.

Interestingly, most crotch grabbing occurs at first base. First basemen tend to grab their crotches when they're holding runners on, and baserunners taking their lead at first tend to grab their crotch as they move away from the base. Pitchers crotch grab the least because they usually have a glove in one hand and a ball in the other. Many catchers adjust after each pitch, but this should not technically be called a crotch grab. On defense, corner players (LF, RF, 3B, 1B) tend to crotch grab more than up-the-middle players (SS, 2B, CF).

Pete speculates that the Red Sox may have the most offenders because they have so many Dominican players. Dominicans crotch grab slightly more than Americans. Asian players crotch grab the least, but that doesn't mean they don't crotch grab. The worst Sox offenders in the playoffs last year were apparently Millar, Trot and - surprise! - Manny. As far as All-Stars, keep your eye on Nomar (who grabs everything in sight), Juan Encarnacion, Frank Thomas, Albert Pujols and Gary Sheffield. Among rookies, check out Jose Reyes. Ironically, the major league leader in crotch grabbing is Orlando Cabrera - now playing for the Angels.

Tomorrow: A close look at spitting.

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