Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Teams I Don't Like and Why

* Arizona Diamondbacks: What's up with that damn pool beyond the center field fence? I don't dig teams that cater to dumb, pasty-white, overweight yahoos who would rather splash around with their corporate/fraternity pals instead of watching the game. I pray for home run balls to hit those losers. Hard.

* Chicago White Sox: Will always be in the shadow of the Cubs. As they should be. Talk about a middlin' team with a management team that is just as middlin'. They'll go and get some great hitters, but can't ever put any good pitching with it. Or, vice versa.

* Cincinatti Reds: Why can't Ken Griffey, Jr. stay healthy? I'm sorry, but he's a professional frakin' athlete - he shouldn't be pulling hammies every other month. I mean, it's his job. I don't go and get writer's cramp whenever I need to write an email. And, I don't suddenly forget how to do math whenever I need to do our accounting. Sheesh. But, there's an even bigger reason why I can't stand the Reds - it's because of Joe Morgan. He can't go for more than 10 minutes without talking about the Big Red Machine. In the middle of the night he probably blurts out the box scores for games 1, 2, and 4 of the 1976 World Series. And, instead of saying his wife's name in the middle of intimate encounters, I bet he breathily pants: "Ohhhh, Johnny... Johnny Bench... You're the greatest catcher slash first baseman slash 19-error third baseman of all time and I'm so glad that you made it into the Hall of Fame on the first ballot and... and... and... I... Love... You..."

* Florida Marlins: Hate the name (see Evan's Anaheim rant, below). Still bitter about them decimating their 1997 team which is so unfair to their fans it makes me sick. Plus, Miami is just too damn hot in the autumn, during the playoffs. Post-season games should only be played if it's 50 degrees or below. If it's hot out, it's not post-season. It's season.

* Kansas City Royals: Two words. (1) George (2) Brett.

* Milwaukee Brewers: The sausage races are classic. And, they have a great name. But, I hate the Selig family even more. Trying to sell out the Expos and the Twins while refusing to touch the Brewers. To this day, I can't believe no one stood up to them and started SCREAMING about conflicts of interest! No one! Unbelieveable.

* Toronto Blue Jays: They play in a stadium that never seems to open up the roof. What's up with that? And, they haven't had a decent crowd there since 1992. Maybe the hockey season cancellation will put some bodies in there. Probably not, though. Blame Canada.


Blogger The Rivals said...

Damn. I forgot one. San Francisco Giants. Because of Barry Bonds. I hate him.

-Nathan aka 'Blue'

9:46 AM  

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