Monday, March 14, 2005

Lucky Charms

In the spirit of honesty in bloggery, I feel compelled to come clean about all my superstitions. Some of them are sick and twisted. But hey - THEY WORKED!

Most of them I pull out only when we really need a win. By Sept/Oct last year, I had perfected the following "Rain Man"-esque routine:

- Morning groom routine, in this order: brush, floss, mouthwash, shave, shower.

- Wear a t-shirt representing one of my teams under my regular shirt. Must have white in it. SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY 2003 NCAA CHAMPIONS works best. PATRIOTS-RAMS SUPER BOWL XXXVI also successful.

- While scanning the radio dial, I will not go past 880 AM, home of the Evil Empire and "The-e-e-e Yankees win" guy who suffers from a debilitating triple-threat combination of Tourettes, Alzheimers and Down Syndrome. So to get from 660 (The Fan) to 1050 (ESPN), I'll actually scroll backwards.

- Though I live in NJ, the car radio is tuned to 1080 Hartford, the nearest corner of Red Sox Nation (even though it's mostly static when it's cloudy).

- By the same token, on TV I will not surf past channel 70, the YES cable network, which the Evil Empire uses to hypnotize and brainwash people in the tri-state area. (Note: Though YES is now part of basic cable, the Evil Empire still charges you $2 extra per month.)

- Within the NYC city limits, I bear no obvious expressions of my allegiance (i.e. no Sox caps).

The following is my routine during games. (This part is scary - recommend you move the kids to the other room before continuing on):

- Must always be within boundaries of living room carpet while game is on.... That means return to the carpet before the commercial ends... No guests in the house for penultimate games (will waive this rule in the future now that curse is broken)... Always seated in far left corner of the blue chaise with feet up... Always seated on backrest cushions, not pillows... Beverage on the armrest when we're rallying... No answering the phone unless caller ID shows family member... Only approach the TV screen when WINNING RUN IS ON BASE (for either team)... Pacing is permitted behind the couch, but only after the 7th inning.

The lucky clothes combination for 2004:

My beautiful blue "RAMIREZ 24" Houston All-Star game AL jersey... Lakewood Blue Claws Class A baseball cap (Phillies farm team)... white 'Cuse t-shirt... tie-dye boxer-briefs... NO PANTS.

And my number one superstition: Electricity.

Let me define electricity: At crucial moments, Wendy has to be on the couch with me - she has to actually be paying attention to the game - and WE HAVE TO BE TOUCHING. An electrical connection. The more places we're touching, the more good karma we create. If we've already clinched the wild-card, we only need to have electricity with toes or fingers. But if it's the 8th inning of game 7, we're intertwined like Bavarian pretzels. For maximum electric energy.

So sports analysts, speculate all you want, but Wendy is THE REASON the Patriots have won 3 super bowls (3!), Syracuse won the NCAA hoop championship, and the Sox won the World Series. She is the lucky charm. Maybe I don't need these superstitions anymore now that we've broken the curse. I'm not sure. We won't know for sure until we get to crunch time. And March Madness starts Friday.

And as Forrest Gump would say, That's all I have to say about that.


Blogger The Rivals said...

I don't even know you anymore. Bring back non-creepy Evan, please.


11:34 AM  

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