Monday, February 14, 2005

The E List

Favorite Yankees (current)

1. Flash Gordon – The leader of the universe is my fave Yankee of course. Though I often wonder if Stephen King’s little girl still loves him...
2. Giambi – I’m actually hoping he turns it around. Isn’t it ironic that the steroid poster boy is the only guy who told the truth? Sheffield and Bonds and the other liars will get theirs. (You heard what God said...)
3. Bernie – But then I’m partial to all guitar-playing hippies who play baseball on the side.
4. Mariano – Respect for his HOF career, the way he carries himself, and extra sprinkles on top since we’ve figured out how to beat him.
5. Randy – Scary... but cool. I guess I have to start hating him now though. My question: Why would anyone want to be a Yankee these days? It’s a lose-lose proposition. If you lose, you should have won. And if you win, you're 1 of 27 (yawn).

Least Favorite Yankees (current)

1. A-Rod – Gay Rod is what New Englanders call a “loo-zah”. If I were a Yankee fan, I would want him drawn and quartered after Season 1. His numbers were good - if you're Gary Gaetti. And it was capped off by his feminine ballet and desperado slap down the 1st base line. It said to his teammates, “we can't win this the regular way, but maybe THIS will work.” I’m no Yankee fan, but he’s no Yankee.
2. Posada – Hey, look what I found: his picture is in the dictionary under “lame.”
3. Kevin Brown – Classless. Doesn’t fit as a Yankee. More like a Met. Don't you think?
4. Mussina - Doesn't do anything for me. I get the No Emotion thing, but I like the way Mr. Spock does it better.
5. Tanyon Sturtze - Sort of makes my skin crawl. A Boston kid should be much cooler, and he's not half as cool as Paul O'Neill.

Yankees I’m on a 12-Step Program to Learn to Understand

1. Jeter – Last year turned me around. Jeter is a true leader and a class act right down to the phone calls to congratulate the Sox. I have come to terms with the fine line between jealousy and respect. (Caveat 1: There’s still not enough mustard in the world to cover this hot dog; Exhibit A - the fake nosedive into the stands. Caveat 2: If he has that smirk going on opening day in Fenway when they unfurl the banner, I reserve the right to change back. And to hope that Ortiz walks over and spanks it off his face.)
2. Sheffield – Great hitter, clutch, fun to watch. But I keep a-thinkin’ he’s a-lyin’ and a-cheatin’.
3. Matsui – Good in the clutch because he’s so fundamentally sound. Minus 10 points because it seems like he always runs up his stats in those runaway games.

Favorite Yankees (alltime)

1. The Iron Horse – BTW, Cal Ripken is not even in the same league.
2. Yogi - And his pal Boo Boo.
3. Mickey Mantle – Based entirely on his Letterman appearances, his restaurant on Central Park South, and 61*.
4. Donny Ballgame – A ray of light during the glorious drought of ’78-’96. Woulda been a perfect Sox, like Dwight Evans younger brother.
5. The Babe – Read the book “Babe Ruth and the 1918 Red Sox.” You’ll see why. Imagine the marketing possibilities if Barry Bonds had Kevin Millar’s personality.
5. (tie) Roger Maris – Should be in the Hall.

Least Favorite Yankees (alltime)

1. Nettles – Public enemy #1. A graduate of Slitherin.
2. Bucky – A pimple on the butt of baseball history.
3. (tie) Reggie & Billy – The trailer and the trash of baseball history.
4. Thurman Munson – A thug. Don’t believe the New Age revisionist history.
5. Dave Winfield - “Mr. May” and a seagull killer.
5. (tie) Joe DiMaggio - An ego as big as his batting streak. And he truly stole some MVPs from Ted Williams, who by the way, is a REAL American hero.

Most Clutch (Yankees and Sox only)

1. (tie) Ortiz, Schilling
2. Jeter
3. Foulke
4. Johnson
5. (tie) Manny, Billy Millah

Least Clutch (Yankees and Sox only)

1. A-Rod
2. Posada
3. Sheffield
4. Renteria? I’m scraping here...
5. Mark Malaska (I know I should have some real Sox on this list... but they were all so MONEY!)

Favorite Sox All-Time (hitters)

1. Yaz
2. Manny
3. Dewey
4. Mo Vaughn
5. The Boomah

Favorite Sox All-Time (pitchers)

1. Schilling
2. Foulke
3. The Spaceman
4. El Tiante
5. Bruce Hurst

Favorite Sox (Current)

1. Manny
2. Ortiz
3. Johnny D
4. Schilling
5. Foulke

Favorite Dirt Dogs (Current)

1. Tek
2. Billy Millah
3. Trot
4. Kevin Millaaah
5. (tie) Timlin & Embree

Favorite Dirt Dogs (All Time)

1. Freddy Lynn
2. Bill Buckner
3. Hendu
4. Troy O’Leary
5. Bernie Carbo

Least Favorite Sox All-Time

1. Roger - traitor
2. Jimmy Piersall - embarassment
3. Hawk Harrelson – fah-reek!
4. Jose Canseco - loozah
5. (tie) Calvin Schiraldi and Bob Stanley

Will Miss:

It seems like we lost a lot of gamers:
1. Dave Roberts
2. Pokey
3. D-Lowe
4. Scott Williamson
5. "Welcome Back" Kapler.

Won’t Miss:

1. Pedro
2. Curtis Leskanic
3. Mike Myers
4. Ramiro Mendoza
5. BK Kim (we are getting rid of him... right? RIGHT?)


Holy crap! I trust my co-poster as far as I can throw him!!! It's funny how Evan decided to base most of his list on the last 8 games of 2004. As someone who shared an office with him during the ENTIRE 2004 campaign, I can honestly state that this list is about as clean as Giambi's urine sample. He used to talk about how awesome Sheffield was and now he shows up on the list of least clutch players. And, this is after he says earlier in his list that Sheffield was a clutch player! Which is it? Huh? It's also funny how he doesn't mention Saint Schilling's little crying episode. He lost a bet last year over that! And, I find it interesting that he doesn't mention what he said last season about Foulke, and that he can't be an effective closer because his out pitch is a changeup... I'm really starting to think that this 2004 WS win went straight to his head. I am very disappointed...

All true. In fact I plan to base the rest of my life on the last 8 games of 2004.

If that's how you're gonna do it, do us all a favor and take Tom Gordon off the pedestal, because he is, by your definition, the least clutch of ANY of the Yankees. He single-handedly blew the ALCS for the Yankees. More than Posada. More than Sheffield. More than A-Rod. It was all Tom "Pukin' in the Bullpen" Gordon's fault. He is worst than 'least clutch'. He's a damn choker.

2 Comments:

Blogger Andrew said...

Troy O'Leary was one of my favorite players of all time when I was younger, it's too bad that it took me so long to realize he was terrible (that suckiness does not correlate to his obvious Irish-osity, which we know inhibits baseball abilities--read: Jeff Frye)

But How does O'Leary qualify as a dirt-dog. He time was before the Dirt Dog Era, and he blamed his being terrible on his relationship with his wife...outside of the game. C'mon!

7:07 PM  
Blogger The Rivals said...

Andrew,

In the post above this one I've started peeling the onion of this argument. Check it out. I think this is a conversation that we'll be having for the rest of the year (and maybe eternity!)...

Thanks for the posting and the argument. Muchos appreciated.

-Nathan

PS When does fantasy baseball start?

6:48 PM  

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